Sunday, January 31, 2010

A watery saturday.....

Yesterday, I saw a LOT of water....both outside and my own tears...I honestly don’t know what came over me....Let me know start from the beginning....
Yesterday I had a wedding in Myrtle Beach. Now, I’ve mentioned before how I don’t like leaving home for out of town weddings because I leave Kaz at home...It makes me sad because I want to be with him, and at the wedding I’m reminded of all the happy couples, so it’s very hard for me to leave...ONCE I leave I’m fine...It’s just the initial leaving part that gets me......So anyway, I was getting ready to leave to go to Myrtle Beach and once again I got sad AND scared. See the weather yesterday was awful[raining and in some parts of SC freezing rain, sleet, and snow]. I wasn’t worried about driving in the rain, I was worried about driving back late at night in the rain[Myrtle Beach is about 2.5 hours away from us]. SO before I walked out the door I started crying[I’ve never cried before when leaving so Kaz didn’t know what to say at first. I’m just usually sad...BUT never cried]. He kept comforting me, etc and the tears kept coming....I got in my car and left and I still kept crying. Kaz had offered several times to go with me BUT I felt awful asking him to go. It was his day off and I wanted him to enjoy it and just relax and rest! So I got about 5 minutes down the road and I called him still crying....He told me to turn around and he would go with me...Now I was going to be busy from 1130-7 SO that’s a lot of time for him to do nothing. He reassured me he could work at a Starbucks, go to a gym, etc BUT I still felt awful. IF that wasn’t enough, I started crying because we had left Miley at home for 12 hours in her crate. I mean my neighbors had said they would let her out but still it made me really sad because we’ve never done that, SO I cried for about the first 20 minutes of the trip.....
Before the wedding, I was able to meet up with an old childhood friend, AraLeigh!  We grew up together but then went to different high schools and lost touch. I saw her a few weeks back at a wedding and since then we’ve been emailing a lot which I’ve loved! So we got to meet for lunch yesterday since she lives in Myrtle Beach. We had a great time chatting and catching up...
SO then it was wedding time...The wedding was beautiful BUT at the reception miss emotional Amy started crying not once, not twice, BUT 3 times during the reception...First, I cried because there was a young girl there in a wheelchair. It was clear she couldn’t walk, so during a song some of the bridesmaids lifted her and carried her to the dance floor. Even though she couldn’t dance they held on to her and made her feel like she was dancing away. It honestly touched my heart so much that I lost it....She was SO HAPPY and I’m positive that moment made her entire month! It was so touching...SO I cried...Then I cried when they did the anniversary dance. It always gets me[this isn’t the first time I’ve cried at a wedding]. I LOVE seeing people from all ages who are married dance especially older people. So I kept crying...I can only imagine what the guest think of me when they seeing me crying....LOL! When I tell Kaz about these moments it doesn’t surprise him at all. I’m a crier whether I see something or someone happy or sad...I cry....BUT the thing is I always cry when I tell him the stories. SO I cried again! What can I say....It’s who I am....
So yesterday was a great day...I saw a lot of water BUT I’m so thankful that Kaz made the sacrifice and went with me. We had a great time together, and Miley was happy to see us when we got home!


Friday, January 29, 2010

A negative test...and HOPE

So the last 2 weeks I haven’t been motivated or focused on anything...I didn’t really understand why until today when I was taking a shower[that’s the place I think the most...I don’t know why it just is]. So lately, I’ve been having some female problems...I waited for about a month before I called the doctor[which was last week]. When I talked to the nurse, she said first you need to take a pregnancy test and if’s it’s negative then you need to schedule an appoitment to come in. Also before I called, I was talking to a few friends about what was going on and they all said you may be pregnant...Well, I don’t know why I EVEN intertainned that thought but for about 3 hours[until I took the test] I couldn’t get it out of my mind...I thought about every possible thing even down to what the nursery would look like....DANGEROUS. Of course, it was negative and my HOPES were crushed. 
Since then, I’ve been in this fog and haven’t really put the pieces together until today...I’ve wanted nothing to do but watch tv[because I don’t have to think]...I’ve procrastinated on a lot of work that needs to be done.....I haven’t been as focused on eating healthy and exercising...and I haven’t wanted to really pray about our circumstances...I just wanted to do absolutely nothing...

Well, today I was really convicted about my sin...You see even though I KNOW that having children won’t make me happy or fully satisfy me sometimes it’s easy for me to believe that. I am so BLESSED...I have a wonderful home, healthy family, great support from family and friends, a job, food...Everything that I NEED...BUT the one thing I WANT is to hold my child. I read an article the other night about a couple who were unable to get pregnant and for 25 YEARS...did you catch that? 25 YEARS they went through all types of fertility medicine. The husband said in the interview that every time the procedures failed it took 10-11 months to get over and that the last 25 years of their life was a living hell. It made me really sad when I read it....BUT sometimes I do the same thing. I get so down and discouraged about where we are at...and at times feel like I have no hope. BUT the TRUTH is the Lord really does have a perfect plan for us. No, He hasn’t called us to be parents yet....BUT He’s calling us right now to so many other things. What WE WANT is to be parents....What HE WANTS is for us to seek Him with our whole heart, trust in His guidance and plan, and believe and KNOW that He is good. He wants obedience....My flesh wants only what I can see.....

So even though I’m really struggling right now, I still have HOPE. AND I have so many people praying for me and Kaz daily, and encouraging us as we go through this hard journey. 

My hands are raised high while I pray this prayer:
Ephesians 3:20 
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...


Thursday, January 28, 2010

The world of photography.....

So I have a question....What do you look for in a photographer? Do you want someone who knows what they are doing, someone who has great quality but is expensive, someone who you like their pictures okay but you really like their price more, etc? I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately because I’ve been helping a friend who is getting married[I’m in the wedding] find a wedding photographer and also helping my sister-in-law in Japan find a photographer to take some newborn pictures of their baby boy in April. I must say it’s got me looking at photographers in a whole new light....
My philosophy has always been[and I hope it continues]... I would rather have lower prices so that people can afford me and not be forced to make huge sacrifices for a photo session. I’m a little different than most because my photography income doesn’t have to support our family, so my prices can be a little lower. I definitely have to make money to cover expenses, equipment, taxes, and bring in income but not as much as most other photographers. 
It’s very interesting to me to look at other photographers....Everyone is so different...and there's nothing wrong with that.....

It’s just a very interesting question that I find myself thinking about a lot...There’s no doubt about it...The LORD wanted me to do this...HE clearly gave this talent to me which I never knew I had, placed the right people around me to help create my business, gave us the right amount of money to get the basic equipment I needed, and really has used all of my financial education to help me start and run my business. I’ve LEARNED so much on my own and I’m really trying to learn and soak in everything I can to make me better at my job and calling....I love seeing people happy....and I love being able to capture those special moments in life for them....

On Monday, I called Kaz really upset. I was upset because I felt like other photographers don’t care at all about your growth[I'm not talking about anyone in particular] because they see you as a threat and competition....I was down and discouraged because in my mind I felt like I NEEDED to change ALL these things in order to fit in with other photographers...I was doubting my ability and my talents way to much and I was[in my mind] trying to CONFORM to someone and something that I wasn’t....It made me think about the bible says:
Romans 12:12
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.....I NEVER knew this would apply to my work environment....BUT it so does! The Lord has called me and put a desire in my heart to minister through photography to a certain group of people[I’m not excluding anyone here]. He has called me to have a certain philosophy that I stand by and it’s satan throwing lies at me to make me doubt this incredible ministry and talent that He has given me.....So while I may change things that I do to become a better photographer....I also “Press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus..” Phil 3:14


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Computers and Customer Service….

So, I must say that I HATE customer service [I know hate is a strong word…but it’s the truth]. Every time I even think about having to return something, or calling a company’s customer service something in my stomach tightens and I just don’t want to do it…Kaz say’s I have no patience and he’s right…See I used to be a personal banker with Bank of America, and for a lot of things that needed to be done I would have to call customer service…Now MOST of the time they were really helpful BUT the customer wasn’t always so nice which in turn made me DIS-LIKE my job….When I have to deal with customer service, I TRY to be nice because I know that makes a difference BUT this is what makes me UPSET…When customer service doesn’t believe me or doesn’t want to do their job…THAT’S what GETS me. SO…..this brings me to my story….

Back in May 2009, Kaz and I purchased a new computer. It wasn’t cheap because we got one that would be beneficial to us and that I could use for my photography business. We compared prices and found the computer we wanted to get....It was HP, 1 tb, 26 inch screen, wireless mouse and keyboard…VERY nice. We ended up getting it from Sam’s because there prices were a little cheaper. I was stoked about this computer! Well, it only ran properly for about the first month. It started making the craziest noise when it cut off, it kept getting slower and slower[and I save everything on external hard drives, so there wasn’t a lot of stuff on the hard drive itself], and it would literally take about 20 minutes for the computer to come up. That’s not normal for a 3-6 month old computer…I took it to the IT guy at work and he did everything he knew how….and nothing changed. So last night, I got fed up with the computer and decided I was going to call Sam’s. In my mind, I honestly didn’t think they would do anything BUT the manager was so nice and said they would give me a FULL refund! So Kaz and I took the computer to Sam’s and they followed through on their word. They GAVE US a FULL refund. The customer service was so nice I cried when we left because that never happens [well it happened one other time with the tax assessor’s office…and I cried then too!].

It really was a blessing from the Lord…I mean I use this computer everyday and need it for my business…

SO today I’m going to get another computer…NOT an HP because I just had a bad experience….BUT an Apple! We should have just got it to begin with…and we really talked about it BUT the HP had a bigger hard drive so we went with it..

Really, I hope this story gives you encouragement that the LORD is GOOD. HE does care even about the SMALL things in life….and can teach us lessons even through customer service:)

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


Monday, January 25, 2010

My obsession with reality tv….

I have SO many things that I WANT to blog about today….SO I’ll start with reality TV!!!

First…Last night on Keeping up with the Kardashians, they aired the part that was filmed at the Luxe Hotel [where we saw Khloe and Bruce!] Thankfully, they didn’t show me and Kaz in the background…I think I would have looked like an idiot in my star struck moment…BUT I was so surprised because not only was Khloe and Bruce at the hotel BUT the whole family was! They were ALL staying in the room right next door to us…Turns out they were having a press conference at the Hotel regarding a celebrity boxing match! I can’t believe we were that close to celebrities and didn’t even know it:) Makes me laugh….

Second, I watched The Pregnancy Pact last night on Lifetime. Now, I’m not a Lifetime girl BUT I’ve been seeing the preview for this movie for awhile and I really wanted to watch it! The story is crazy…It’s based on the actual events of a group of teenage girls making a pact to get pregnant at the same time. More than 150 pregnancy test were given out at this school in a year!!! In a year to high school students…1 girl who actually became pregnant confessed that the father was a 24 year old homeless man. Families were torn apart….It’s a crazy story. I remember hearing it on the news but seeing the movie last night made me want to read more about it…I would be interested to know what the girls think and feel today….To read about this story click here.

Third, tonight GREEK comes back on!!! YAY, FINALLY! I’ve been waiting in expectation to see what happens….This show always leaves me hanging…I know Kaz is ecstatic…[did you catch the sarcasm there]…

And last, I’m super excited about a new reality show about Kelly Cutrone! If you watch the Hills or the City, she was [and is] Whitney Port’s boss at People Revolution. I don’t like her personality at all…She’s very harsh at times but I’m interested to see more of her life. The show starts next week!

Ok, so enough with my love for reality TV [even though Greek and The pregnancy pack aren’t reality TV]…..


Sunday, January 24, 2010


I think the word overwhelmed is an understatement….My life the last 8+ months has been crazy! The Lord blessed me with photography, and it seems like within a matter of 2 months I had more work than I could keep up with on top of working a full-time job, being a wife, friend, and daughter! I honestly never knew that having a business would be so much work BUT it really is! I feel behind all the time…There’s always something that I NEED to do! Going into 2010 I knew that January and February would be my slowest time[I have 40 weddings THIS year-27 of them between April-July!] So I’ve been looking forward to these 2 months for awhile, honestly more than anything just to be able to rest a little….WELL, Yesterday I became so overwhelmed with things that needed to be done photography wise that I literally didn’t even know where to begin. That never happens to me…I’m usually really good at placing priorities on things and making a list, BUT yesterday I made a list and just looked at it for a good 30 minutes+.

In 2009, I wasn’t the best at keeping up with mileage, expenses, etc so I’ve had to go back and try and re-create all of that. Lesson learned…2010 will be dealt with day by day! So I’m working on 2009 tax stuff[I’m almost finished!], a couple sets of pictures to edit, 2 engagement picture books to make, organize all my files because I just got a new file cabinet, along with some other miscellaneous stuff! The word SLOW makes me laugh…Things haven’t slowed down at all! I guess that’s a good thing though…


Saturday, January 23, 2010

What to do about lunch.....

Ok, so I HAVE a problem….I don’t know what to carry to work for lunch:( Now I know this may sound silly, BUT honestly it’s a dilemma in my mind. For a very long time, my safety net for lunch has been SmartOnes. I would take them everyday…Occasionally[a little more than I should] I would go to Moes[right across from work] and grab lunch, but what I eat there is $8.00 and I can’t spend that everyday. These are things I’ve tried, and the problems I have with them:

Baked spaghetti[I only like it the day after it was originally cooked]

Peanut Butter sandwich[I feel guilty eating it more than one day because of the fat]

Salad[get tired of it…and hate preparing it everyday]

Smoothie[don’t ever want it once I get to work because it’s not as filling or it doesn’t sound as good as regular food]

Egg sandwich[love eggs, but the whole heating it up thing after it’s been cooked gets to me]

Are you starting to see my dilemma? I’m a little picky……..
I’ve thought about Chili-I love chili but am trying to cut out a lot of meat…..I HONESTLY NEED HELP! What is something good that I can take for lunch, low in fat and calories, healthy, and taste good:)

 Please help……


Friday, January 22, 2010

Galoshes.....and Zumba.....

So I got these galoshes over Christmas and I have been dying to wear them!!! I got my chance yesterday:) I LOVE them BUT they are REALLY REALLY heavy. I got a workout just from wearing them! My cousin Alan has a pair and when he was little he used to jump in every mud puddle because he had on his galoshes. I felt like him yesterday:) I didn't mind walking in mud puddles because I knew my pants or shoes wouldn't get wet! If you don't have a pair of these....YOU NEED to get a pair:) They will make you feel like a child again!

On another note, I went with a friend to a Zumba class this morning at our gym. It was so much fun! I can't wait to go back! I have NO rhythm whatsoever! BUT the whole class I just pretended that I looked like the other people in class who knew what they were doing! EVEN though in reality I looked nothing like them! I plan on attending Zumba next week:) It was a great workout, a lot of fun, and maybe will help me on my dance moves[that I NEVER use]! HaHa

Hope you are having a terrific Friday!


Thursday, January 21, 2010

How do words affect you?

Right now, Kaz and I have been praying for some pretty big times I don't believe they will happen BUT other times I'm completely trusting in the Lord and His faithfulness. I don't see HOW these things can happen, BUT AGAIN make sure you read the I part...That's a feeling NOT the truth!

Yesterday, I was having an okay day. I've been battling some lies but I've also been trying to fight it with the truth. I was talking with someone about 1 of the things that Kaz and I are praying for. When I mentioned it, I was really trusting and had no doubts that the Lord wouldn't come through on this. The response...negativity, not-truth, non-encouraging words...

My reaction for about 15 minutes was I just got plain mad. I started doubting...I got mad and had a pity party about the place we are at in life....I started thinking that the Lord wanted nothing but to punish us, and nothing good was going to happen. Did I mention I had a pity party?

Then I remembered something that someone else earlier in the day had said about her life...She said something to this affect "I can't control how other people act, what they choose to do or say...I can only choose how I react and respond." I started thinking about that a little...Why did I automatically react to the negative talk so poorly...What was said didn't change changed my feelings....MY FEELINGS AND THE TRUTH ARE NO WHERE NEAR THE SAME THING!

How do you respond to negativity? I encourage you to fight through it...Don't let it affect you...My words[and yours] have the power to build someone up or tear them down...Which would you want to be responsible for? Believe truth and fight to keep your faith EVEN when you can't see HOW something is possible OR what's in store for you.

Psalm 19:14
14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Proverbs 18:21
21 The tongue has the power of life and death.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

30 day shred.....

Well, I haven’t lost any more weight pound wise…BUT I definitely have continued building strength, losing inches, and toning up! I’m fitting into old jeans and all of my clothes are a lot looser:)

On Monday, I ran 6 miles. It was my long run for the week and it felt great! My problem with running is I get really bored sometimes…It doesn’t matter if I run inside or out, at some point I get bored so I really have to work through that. Monday I ran on the treadmill…thankfully all the treadmills at my gym have TVs on them so I can watch TV while I run! It was definitely hard, and I pushed my body BUT I did it! I’ve still been running 3-4 miles 4 days a week[and then a long run on the weekends]. This weekend is 7 miles. I’ll let you know how I do:)

Something else I’m super pumped about is 30 day shred! I love the biggest loser, and Jillian[the trainer] leads this workout. Here’s the thing: It’s 30 days, 3 levels, 20 minutes per day. Not bad at all! I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s hard BUT I can handle 20 minutes. I always buy workout videos like Slim in 6, P90X, etc and I love them for a little while, but the part that always gets me is the length of the videos. I don’t like working out in my house for 45 minutes every day. AND I don’t like videos that do tons of lunges, or tons of arms. 30 day shred is a great mix. Jillian combines strength, with cardio, and abs. This is what it looks like:

3 intervals.
3 minute strength
2 minute cardio
1 minute abs

Every interval is different. I really like it a lot! Today was day 2! I actually got up at 5:45 this morning to do it, which shocked Kaz completely. I woke him up…normally he has to pull teeth to get me up in the mornings! Miley wasn’t quite sure of what I was doing…When I started doing jump-n-jacks she came over and started jumping on me:)
There are a lot people doing the 30 day shred. To read about other people on this journey click here.

Finally, Kaz and I have continued juicing. We started adding spinach in our drinks. I can’t taste it but it definitely turns the juice greener[I had to get over the fact that it was green:(]. I actually want it in the mornings now for breakfast. I don’t even think about anything else…I know that’s it so good for me and I’m enjoying it. We went to Barnes and Noble this past weekend and I found a book about the top 100 juices. As I was reading it my mouth was watering. I can’t wait to try some of them and share with you:)

If you’re on a healthy journey, keep it up! Your goal is reachable!!!


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My sweet little Miley...

This post is going to be about our dog Miley:)

We got Miley a little over 2 years ago! She was a birthday present from Kaz. I had planted the seed in his ear that I wanted a puppy, and he finally gave in [He wanted one just as badly]. When he told me, that he was getting me a puppy and we could pick her up, I couldn’t stand it. See we were supposed to go pick her up TOGETHER 2 days later…BUT that wasn’t working for me. I wanted her that day! Kaz was working on a project that night, so I said I would be fine to get her myself. We didn’t have a crate or anything, so I thought well since she’s a puppy a plastic storage container would suffice for the ride home…BIG MISTAKE! She jumped out not even half a mile down the road. So I had to ride with a rambunctious puppy in my lap all the way home [which was about 45 minutes]. The family who raised her [she was 6 weeks old when we got her] named her Mandy. That didn’t work well for me, but I wanted to keep the M, so we came up with Miley[not after Miley Cyrus-although I like watching Hannah Montana!]

The first night was very interesting! We didn’t have a crate so we had to put up some old boards for her to stay enclosed in 1 area. A couple times throughout the night, I woke up to her jumping on the bed with me and Kaz. Needless to say, the boards didn’t work and we went the next day to get a crate!

Below are a few pictures from our first day with Miley:)

Miley is a really good dog. We couldn’t imagine not having her, although she does get into a LOT of trouble and has the craziest mood swings.

A few things about Miley…
She loves water, a bath, and the MUD!

She loves any toys that squeaks, balls, socks, or any clothes that smell.

She loves smelling my breath in the mornings, although I’m not sure why!

She barks at fly’s, birds, insects…anything that moves!

Her favorite place in the house is the bathtub…AND if the bathroom door is not shut when someone is taking a shower, she has been known to jump in and join!

She loves going places-If she sees the car kennel she becomes uncontrollable with excitement to leave.
In a dog training class, she was the worst student.

I entered her in the Lowcountry's Naughtest Dog contest and she came in second.

She’s scared of sidewalk storm drains.

She’s very protective of me and Kaz…If Kaz ever starts even playing with me, she will bite his butt! She loves me the most:)

If she sees that we are leaving the house, she gets sad and will turn her back to you and give you the saddest eyes!

She will eat anything [yesterday she actually ate a piece of fabric:( I couldn’t get it away from her].

She loves peanut butter!

I call her Miley Mae and Stinker…She comes to both!

She can’t stand for water to be in a bowl-She digs in out in a matter of minutes

I dress her up all the time [For Halloween she has been a hotdog and banana!]

She loves being with me in our office. That’s her favorite room. When I get let her out of her kennel in the afternoons she immediately grabs a toy and runs to the office!

She thinks our bed is hers..She doesn’t sleep with us but jumps on the bed every morning and scrubs!

If she’s in trouble, she hides underneath the table so we can’t get to her.

Her favorite treat is Ice!

She’s the best dog! Below are a few pictures of Miley:)

Sad eyes...

She used to do this when she was little...I miss it:(

She claimed this chair...we don't have it anymore..

This is how she plays with her toys...on her back...

In the mud...Oh BOY....

Her favorite place...the bathtub....


Monday, January 18, 2010

The weekend, good friends, and a wedding...

This past weekend Kaz and I went to Greenville! We LOVE visiting Greenville! We stayed with our good friends Dawn and Seth! I'm sad I didn't take any pictures with them:( BUT we had a great time! Kaz and Seth put down tile in their master bathroom, while Dawn and I had a lot of catching up to do:) I had a wedding in Greenville on Saturday, so my time with our friends was limited....The wedding was absolutely gorgeous! The church was probably one of the prettiest churches I've ever been in! I love old churches! It was rainy and cold, but the happy couple didn't mind taking a few pictures outside! To see a few of the pictures from the wedding, click here!

Sunday morning, we left Greenville and stopped to meet some friends on our way through Columbia. You've seen this little girl before...Miss Ashlyn, Anne and Chris! Kaz hasn't had the privilege of meeting Ashlyn until yesterday, so I told him before we met them that he only had a limited amount of time to hold her, because I was being selfish! Ashlyn is the sweetest little girl, and I can't get enough of her:) Below are a few pictures....
BTW-These were taken with my camera phone, so they're not the best quality:)

Overall, we had a great weekend. We loved getting to see our good friends, catch up, and spend time together!

Friday, January 15, 2010

A new toothbrush....and a happy husband.....

OK STOP: Before you read this first part, don’t criticize me because I’m sure you’ve done this at one time or another:)

When Kaz and I travel, the one thing that I ALWAYS forget to pack is my toothbrush! I don’t know why, I just always forget it. It’s the one thing that I can’t remember to pack. When we’re visiting my parents, it’s not a problem because I have an extra toothbrush there that I can use, but if we travel somewhere other than my parents we usually have a problem….My philosophy is why buy another toothbrush for $5 when I’ll be home in 2 days…I can just use Kaz’s. Well Kaz doesn’t mind me using his toothbrush, but after a day or two he’s ready for me to get my own because I usually beat him to brushing my teeth first, which puts him with a wet toothbrush when it’s his time. So over Christmas we went to St. Louis to visit his family, and of course I forgot my toothbrush. So I used his for a week…To make matters worse, when we got back home I couldn’t find my toothbrush. I guess for once in my life I actually packed it but left it at my parents house[we visited them before going to St. Louis]. So once again, I was stuck using Kaz’s until I went to the store to buy one….Let’s just say I’m not the best person at remembering to buy everything I need at one time. I usually have to make at least 2 trips to the store, so 15 days later I’m just now getting around to buying a toothbrush. I could have really milked it because Kaz really wanted me to buy my own toothbrush…I could have bought like a $50 one, but instead I got this one:)

It cost $6, it's pink and I know my husband is going to be extremely happy to have his toothbrush back! We are going out of town today for the weekend, so let’s just hope I can remember to pack my new toothbrush:) Tell me, I’m not the only one who’s ever done this…..


Thursday, January 14, 2010


The last 2 days have been very hard for me…Monday, was the hardest day I’ve had in a long time! I had a hard time believing truth, and believed every lie thrown my way. I finally became so overwhelmed, that I felt like I was having a panic attack. My heart felt like it was about to come out of my chest, and I could not calm down. To say I was anxious was an understatement. I cried until I had no more tears, and finally settled down still fighting to believe truth…

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling doubtful. I went in the kitchen to make a smoothie and of course our Kitchen Aid blender stopped working. It started again….Kaz tried everything he could to calm me but it wasn’t enough. As I was walking out the door, I ran back in the bathroom to make sure I had unplugged my curling iron. As I went in the bathroom, I noticed a devotional book that I’ve had for awhile now but haven’t picked up lately…The title “HOPE”. Coincidence…No….I picked it up and stuffed it in my purse. On the way to work, I listened to a local Christian radio station…I don’t usually do that in the mornings. I love listening to a few radio shows so I’m always changing between stations but yesterday morning all I wanted to do was listen to uplifting and encouraging songs. Before I went into work, I read the first part of this devotional. It’s a part that I read over and over throughout last year, but yesterday I needed to read it again. Here’s my interpretation and how it applies directly to me today…

Exodus 16:
3And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. 4Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no. 5And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare that which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily. 6And Moses and Aaron said unto all the children of Israel, At even, then ye shall know that the LORD hath brought you out from the land of Egypt: 10And it came to pass, as Aaron spake unto the whole congregation of the children of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and, behold, the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud. 11And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 12I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God. 13And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host. 14And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground. 15And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the LORD hath given you to eat. 16This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer for every man, according to the number of your persons; take ye every man for them which are in his tents. 17And the children of Israel did so, and gathered, some more, some less.

The process here was clear. God provided manna, everyone worked to get the manna, and everyone received the food they needed. No one was without food regardless of how little manna they brought in. Some gathered more, some gathered less, but they were all fed the same amount.

Without the manna, people would die. God would not allow people to store the manna up [except on the 6th day]. Every day the manna had to be collected in order to be fed and nourished….

My sinful nature will be anxious and doubtful everyday without the Lord. I have to be fed everyday by His word…HE IS TRUSTWORTHY….HE WILL PROVIDE FOR ME….AND HE LOVES ME….

I’m still fighting today…but I’m trusting….


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A troubling find....

So, I heard about this on the radio awhile back and it completely disturbed me...I don't even know if that's the best way to describe how disgusted I am about this whole thing...
It's called Ashley Madison. Have you ever heard of it?

It's basically a dating website for married individuals. Did you hear that...FOR MARRIED individuals? Ashley Madison's slogan is ," Life is short. Have an affair." What has this world come to? I read an article about this, and a lady who uses this service was interviewed. She went on to say that the guy she met through Ashley Madison was married, had 3 children, but didn't want to leave his wife, and she didn't want a committment so it was perfect.


I honestly can't even believe this....This world is so lost. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Today I’ve been very sad and frustrated. Some small things have happened within the last 2 days that shouldn’t have bothered me but they did. I got frustrated and have let Satan beat me up with lies. This morning I’ve been so discouraged I just wanted to run away and cry, but I couldn’t. I started thinking a little about HOPE. The last couple months what I’ve been learning about HOPE applies only in my situation. My perspective hasn’t been how HOPE applies to everyone else….

I started thinking about people in other countries who are starving or living in poverty, and what HOPE means to them….
I started thinking about a mom who just lost a child unexpectedly and what HOPE means to her….
I started thinking about a husband who was just diagnosed with cancer and was told he would only live 2 months and what HOPE means to him….

When I started thinking about other people besides myself, I became really convicted of how little my faith in Christ really is.

I started reading this story in Mark 5.
21When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. 22Then one of the synagogue rulers, named Jairus, came there. Seeing Jesus, he fell at his feet 23and pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live." 24So Jesus went with him.
A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
30At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?"
31"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' "
32But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

You see, this lady had amazing HOPE and faith…She had done everything she could to be cured. Talked to doctors, spent all her money, tried different medicines and nothing helped. Her ONLY HOPE was Christ. She went that day to see HIM with HOPE that HE alone would heal her.

Today I’m fighting to believe this. My ONLY HOPE is in Christ…everyone else will fail me, everyone else will disappoint me, BUT ONE.

Where are you at today? Wherever you are, KNOW that the Lord is near…KNOW that HE hears your cry, KNOW that HE is the only one.


Monday, January 11, 2010

Welcome to Moes....

I LOVE Moe’s!!!! Have you ever eaten there? Well, today is Moe’s Monday. Moe’s Monday means that you get a burrito and drink for $5. Guess what, I get to have Moe’s Monday 2xs:) Well, I just had it for lunch and then tonight our community group is meeting there for dinner! I’m super excited!

My normal order at Moe’s is:
John Coctostan(chicken and rice)

I get excited when Kaz and I get to go to Moe’s together because I know how much he loves it! I work right across the street from one so most of the time I go on my lunch break! Kaz and I used to have a LOT of dates at Moes:) It brings a smile to my face!

It’s not too late-You can still make it for Moe’s Monday! Have a [Moe]Terrific Monday!