Thursday, January 14, 2010


The last 2 days have been very hard for me…Monday, was the hardest day I’ve had in a long time! I had a hard time believing truth, and believed every lie thrown my way. I finally became so overwhelmed, that I felt like I was having a panic attack. My heart felt like it was about to come out of my chest, and I could not calm down. To say I was anxious was an understatement. I cried until I had no more tears, and finally settled down still fighting to believe truth…

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling doubtful. I went in the kitchen to make a smoothie and of course our Kitchen Aid blender stopped working. It started again….Kaz tried everything he could to calm me but it wasn’t enough. As I was walking out the door, I ran back in the bathroom to make sure I had unplugged my curling iron. As I went in the bathroom, I noticed a devotional book that I’ve had for awhile now but haven’t picked up lately…The title “HOPE”. Coincidence…No….I picked it up and stuffed it in my purse. On the way to work, I listened to a local Christian radio station…I don’t usually do that in the mornings. I love listening to a few radio shows so I’m always changing between stations but yesterday morning all I wanted to do was listen to uplifting and encouraging songs. Before I went into work, I read the first part of this devotional. It’s a part that I read over and over throughout last year, but yesterday I needed to read it again. Here’s my interpretation and how it applies directly to me today…

Exodus 16:
3And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. 4Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no. 5And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare that which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily. 6And Moses and Aaron said unto all the children of Israel, At even, then ye shall know that the LORD hath brought you out from the land of Egypt: 10And it came to pass, as Aaron spake unto the whole congregation of the children of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and, behold, the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud. 11And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 12I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God. 13And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host. 14And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground. 15And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the LORD hath given you to eat. 16This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer for every man, according to the number of your persons; take ye every man for them which are in his tents. 17And the children of Israel did so, and gathered, some more, some less.

The process here was clear. God provided manna, everyone worked to get the manna, and everyone received the food they needed. No one was without food regardless of how little manna they brought in. Some gathered more, some gathered less, but they were all fed the same amount.

Without the manna, people would die. God would not allow people to store the manna up [except on the 6th day]. Every day the manna had to be collected in order to be fed and nourished….

My sinful nature will be anxious and doubtful everyday without the Lord. I have to be fed everyday by His word…HE IS TRUSTWORTHY….HE WILL PROVIDE FOR ME….AND HE LOVES ME….

I’m still fighting today…but I’m trusting….



Beth Priest said...

I can hear it now "uplifting and encouraging...this-is HIS radio" haha. I understand your struggles! I prayed coming into the new year that God would make my heart more steadfast. Wouldn't it be nice if we could read or learn something one time and then we would be different? Nope, that's not going to keep us dependant on God tho. Its a fight everyday to fix our eyes on Jesus, focus on whatever is lovely, pure, praise worthy, etc and take our EVERY thought captive. I'm with you in this battle sister! I read last night in morning and evening that "he will not allow [me or you] to lack ANY good thing!

carissa said...

i am so sorry that monday was such a tough day. you certainly are treading through deep waters. God is using your trials for His good and it is incredible to see Him at work. keep fighting for joy. when i was in a pit of deep despair and mourning, i read this and was so encouraged by it:

"Jesus endured the cross by pursuing this joy, and we too may find, by God’s grace, that delighting in him is our only, but entirely sufficient, hope in sorrow." - John Piper

Rhonda said...

Hi, my heart goes out to you. One point in my life I began having panic attacks. Where I thought I was dying. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was never going to get over it. The Lord delivered me from those. I just said a prayer for you.

I'm so excited you will be Shredding with us. Exercise will help with stress. So will getting your self in the Word and listening to uplifting music. Sounds like your on the right track. Take care!