storms in life...

The last few months, I haven’t really shared anything personal on this blog...Not because I didn’t want too, but because honestly I have kind of shut down. My mind has been on mostly work and I haven’t spent a lot of time doing anything else but being a mom, being a wife, and work. Work completely took over my life really since the beginning of April. I overbooked myself way before we got Annie Rice, and I never realized just how much work in the last 4 months would take its toll on me. But over the last 2-3 weeks, the Lord has been doing a whole lot in my heart. He’s been showing me just where my heart has been the last few months, but also showing me that “where I have been” is not where He wants me. I’m not talking about work wise...He is still calling me to photography but He is NOT CALLING me to let photography be the main thing in my life. He’s calling me to allow HIM to be the main thing in my life. I have been really selfish lately...Not in ways really that anyone could see except Kaz and the Lord, but there have been certain things that we have been talking about it doing and I have been very selfish in them, EVEN THOUGH I could see the Lord clearly calling us in those directions. 

Today, He reminded me of a really sweet message. These last few days have been long! Potty training...and what we’ve been doing is just that. Using the potty a whole lot, which means I have been sitting and watching Annie Rice a lot! I haven’t really had a lot of time to do much else unless she’s sleeping or when Kaz gets home because she goes to the potty every 10 minutes it seems like[but that’s a good thing:)] Today I put dinner in the oven and it had about 30 minutes before it would be done. Kaz got home and I decided to go for a run. The weather was kind of iffy...It wasn’t raining but looked stormy. I started running and felt great! About 5 minutes into the run, it started steady drizzling, and by the time I had turned around at my halfway point, it was raining so hard it was hard for me to see...I kept looking, hoping I would see Kaz driving in the car coming to pick me up, but I never saw him. A few minutes later, the rain had slowed down, but it was still stormy. When I made it home, even though I was soaked, looked like a mess, and the clouds were still really dark, I couldn’t help but smile because I finished the run and it honestly felt refreshing. I wanted to walk so badly the last half mile, but I just couldn’t...I wouldn’t let myself. The whole run the Lord kept reminding me of something He really showed me while we were going through our “rainy/stormy season” of infertility and adoption journey. I even had a sign made to hang on the nursery door that said ,”It only rains for a little while. So when it does, drop your umbrella and dance awhile”. The Lord reminded me that the storms in life will come, but He wants us to rejoice in them and “dance” as the sign says...The rain may be light or so hard you can’t see out of it, but He WILL ALWAYS be there even if I CAN’T SEE Him. Just like in my run today, He carried me through to the finish even though I was tired, wanted to give up and walk at the very end, and wanting so badly to just see Kaz coming to pick me up. Much like I do the storms in life...I just want Him to “pick me up” on the journey and make the last steps easy. BUT I’m THANKFUL He doesn’t do that! Instead, He lets us keep running the race, pushing us and carrying us through, so that when we are on the other side[literally and one day in Heaven], we can smile the biggest smile we’ve ever imagined. What a GREAT and MIGHTY God we serve. All of the things I have been so selfish about, are really because I am scared to move forward in any direction. I’m scared because I don’t know what will happen, and right now my life is great and comfortable. BUT HE reminded me today, that if HE CALLS me to something, HE WILL CARRY ME THROUGH no matter how scary and how many rain storms come my way....and who am I to judge? What I think "might" be a storm in life, could turn out to be one of the biggest blessings of all? I think I’ve already learned that lesson at least once....I don’t know why it hasn’t stuck yet. 

And to think I thought I was just going for a nice evening run....He is GOOD and I am THANKFUL. 

happy gotcha day, Annie Rice....

Words can't describe the excitement I have been feeling the last 2 weeks just knowing this day would be here soon. This time of year is such a happy and joyous time for us, because today a year ago on June 25, 2011, we met our beautiful little girl. We had no idea what we were going into, but we knew 1 thing...the Lord hand picked this little girl for our family and we could get through any situation with Him. I remember this day last year like it was yesterday...

Kaz and I both went for a run that morning...We had lunch at Qdoba with my parents and then made the drive to Myrtle Beach. Kaz was a nervous wreck because he just wanted to know the adoption papers had been signed by the birth mom...surprisingly I was very calm. We got to Myrtle Beach a little early so we went to Market Commons and ate a sweet treat at the Chocolate store. We got a text from our worker that the papers had been signed and we could make our way to the office. We went into a little room in Bethany's office that has a large supply of clothes, toys, etc for birth moms. We met a little girl, whose name started with a K. Her birth mom and birth dad came in and gave us this little girl. The moment was harder than I ever imagined. All I wanted to do was hug and kiss this little girl as much as I could, but I had to control my emotions until after her birthparents left. They said there goodbyes and we hugged for a long time. I thanked them over and over for giving us this precious gift. I felt at the time and still do so underserving of such a beautiful blessing. Finally, the 3 of us along with our worker, was the only people left in the room. We signed our papers and named our daughter Annie Rice. We started the drive home and I just couldn't put my camera phone down. I took so many pictures of Annie Rice's smile, feet, hands, hair, and her sleeping. We got back to our house and were welcomed by my parents and Liz and Todd. Boy, did this little girl show off. She clapped and smiled so much. We fed her and she made faces and giggled the whole time. We gave her a bath and she splashed all in the water! We gave her a bottle and put her to bed...and we slept in her room that night! It seems like yesterday. I remember almost every detail. Today is a celebration of not only Annie Rice, BUT the Lord's continued faithfulness in our lives. We struggled for a long time, we cried a lot of tears, and we prayed many prayers for a family and I couldn't imagine anything better than what the Lord has blessed me with today. The Lord has used all of Annie Rice's delays for His glory. Today, on the very day we got her a year ago, she made 2 milestones at physical therapy. She's continuing to become stronger everyday and she's growing into the most beautiful little girl. She does things and says things that I can't help but laugh at. I love her with all my heart and I'm so thankful for her. Adoption is such a beautiful thing, and I'm so thankful the Lord called us on this wonderful journey. 

Thank you Lord for Annie Rice Prikazsky. 

a year ago....

 Today....

I had to include this last picture. This is Annie Rice's physical therapist. She did so much today at PT and made us laugh pretty much the whole time, including putting this shirt on her head just like this, and wearing it around for 30 minutes! She's a silly little girl!

a year ago TODAY....

A year ago TODAY, was like any normal day. I remember sitting in the recliner watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta[yes, I watch this trashy show:(]...Kaz called and said our code word...We made up a code word so that the other person wouldn’t just keep talking about normal stuff...The code word meant good news from our adoption agency...I immediately stopped in my tracks and in my mind Kaz couldn’t talk fast enough. A year ago TODAY, we got a phone call about a baby...A BABY we thought was OUR BABY....A baby we wanted, prayed hard for, and fought for...BUT in the end the birthmom chose to keep him. It’s kind of ironic because 6 months ago almost to the exact day, she gave birth to that baby boy. We were crushed when she decided to keep him...BUT a day later we got THE phone call about our sweet, adorable, absolutely perfect daughter Annie Rice. A year ago TODAY, I thought the road would be easy...Looking back, it wasn’t easy at all BUT I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER in a heartbeat for Annie. TODAY I’m truly THANKFUL for ALL the Lord has done in our life. I’m THANKFUL for the hardships...I’m THANKFUL for HIS PERFECT PLAN...My heart is overflowing with THANKFULNESS...

 a year ago TODAY, I would have never imagined I would be sitting in my living room with a 17 month old little girl...HIS PLAN is perfect....HIS TIMING is perfect....HIS LOVE is perfect....

Praise God from whom all blessing AND TRIALS flow....

a year ago today, I didn't have all these memories...TODAY I AM TRULY THANKFUL!

it's about the journey, not the destination...

Lately my heart has been pretty heavy for some women struggling through infertility and the adoption process...I know all to well the different stages of emotions that are apart of these journeys...but today, at my MOPS meeting I really got to thinking hard about those stages for me and some amazing things that the Lord did... 

The first 2 years that we struggled, as each month went by I would become madder and madder...As that happened, I also became sad and thought the Lord was out to punish me...and I didn’t understand why. It was hard to see the positive because I was so focused on the negative. It honestly wasn’t until March of this year that I completely surrendered my heart and future for a family to the Lord. Why March? I’m not really sure...Things ended with our first birth mom the beginning of February and the Lord really worked in my heart a lot through that...but really up until March I kept thinking and saying that, “I will be happy when we get a baby...I will be happy when we have a family...I will be happy when.....” For me back then, a baby and family was the DESTINATION...That’s all I could see. GETTING TO THAT PLACE. When Kaz and I went on our vacation to the Grand Canyon in March, I remember being at a place where I said to myself I will be OKAY if we never have children...If it’s just me and Kaz for the rest of our lives...Did I still think about a family? Absolutely..and I was still trusting that would happen BUT I began to see that the Lord had been changing us throughout the WHOLE process and it wasn’t just about the destination of having a family, but about the journey getting there... 

I emailed just a couple days ago with a reader of my blog about her journey...My advice probably wasn’t what she wanted to hear BUT something that a mentor told me AND I THINK ABOUT DAILY...The Lord will do what He wants for your life that will bring HIM THE MOST GLORY. It’s not about how long or short the wait is, how much you are hurting, how obedient you are[although that’s SUPER important], etc...It’s about HIS PLAN AND HIS GLORY. Some people have oftened asked why do I think that we didn’t get Annie Rice when she was born...Her parents knew they were going to place her up for adoption even before she was born...but they waited 11 months before doing so. Do I wish at times I could have been apart of those 11 months? Yep, I sure do...BUT I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT, that I had to go through what I did for those 11 months to be the person I am today. If I had the choice, would I change it? My honest answer is NO! I wouldn’t. I didn’t think at the time I needed changing at all. In fact, I would have been plain mad if someone told me that. Looking back, I see just HOW MUCH the Lord needed to do in me... 

This blog is my feelings and struggles that I go through...it’s my life...it’s a journal...BUT I hope it’s also an encouragement to you. Because even though infertility and adoption was my journey, I know that each of you are on other journeys BUT the same principals apply. Don’t keep saying, “I’ll be happy when....” Because when that thing comes, there will be something else....Trust in the Lord’s plan for your life, pray for JOY everyday AND DON’T LET SATAN STEAL THAT JOY... 

Jeremiah 31:3 

I have loved you with an everlasting love; 

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness

HE is mighty to save...

Over the last few years, I have been on a spiritual and emotional roller coaster. There were days where I literally was so mad at the Lord, and then days where all I wanted to do was cry. He has grown my faith in ways I can't explain, especially over this last year. A song that brought me to tears every time I heard it was He is Mighty to Save...I couldn't sing these lines in church without stopping because if I kept singing I would burst into tears and not be able to stop...

Savior

He can move the mountains

My God is mighty to save

He is mighty to save

Forever

Author of Salvation

He rose and conquered the grave

Jesus conquered the grave

For so long, I WANTED so badly to believe that He could move the mountains in my own life, but most of the time I doubted because of my hurt. For the first time, this past weekend I was able to sing this song KNOWING AND BELIEVING 100% that HE not only CAN move mountains BUT HE DID in my life...of course there were still tears:)

Kaz and I started the adoption journey really not knowing what the future held...If I'm honest, it appeared to be more of a solution to our problem than anything else. I wanted to go through it as quickly as possible and get our baby. Before we were ever put on the waiting list, we had to attend a certain number of meetings through Bethany to learn more about adoption and help us through the journey. I remember sitting in a small trailer with about 7-8 other couples and thinking to myself that we would probably be the last couple chosen...That was my worst case scenario fear kicking in....I was right...We were not only the last couple out of the group to be chosen but we saw many other couples that went through the process after us get chosen. It REALLY WASN'T AT ALL about us....It was about HIS PERFECT TIMING and the CHILD HE HAD CHOSEN FOR US. While at times during the waiting, it was easy for me to see that, the majority of the time it was very difficult for me to see that...I mostly saw my hurt, pain, selfishness, and occasionally could see the bigger picture. I still can't see the bigger picture to its fullest BUT what I can see is the Lord's FAITHFULNESS to us even when I wasn't faithful...I CAN SEE the blessing of adoption and how in reality it wasn't just a solution but it's now a calling to our life...AND I CAN SEE glimpses of just how much the Lord loves us that He would give us such a special little girl and allow us to go through everything we did...because in the end, we are so much stronger AND I HONESTLY WOULDN'T CHANGE one thing. 

If you've been following my blog, you've read several times about the first birth mom we were paired with. We really thought that was the baby, especially when she came back into the picture a month before she was due. That last month, I grew in my faith more than I did the whole year we waited...Even though it hurt, I'm thankful we went through it...and every time I look back, it amazes me at the Lord's timing...That the very day after she had the baby, we got the phone call about our Annie. It wasn’t a coincidence...It was His perfect timing...For awhile, we didn't have anyone who was going through the same thing that we were, and that frustrated me in itself that I had no one that could fully understand...but now when I look around, the Lord has blessed us with so many friendships through adoption, which brings me to this...

Lately, I've received so many emails, facebook messages,and even phone calls from women struggling during their waiting, wanting more information about adoption, or even just saying they had been praying for me. 

I have had a heavy heart about helping and have been praying about where the Lord was leading me with this...I'm still not 100% sure of what this will look like, but I believe the Lord is calling me to start an adoption/infertility support group online. Truth and encouragement from others are great, but it's so much easier talking to someone if they have been through the same thing. If you are in the adoption process, struggling through infertility, considering adoption, have adopted or simply just want to pray for these women who are please send me an email at: amyprikazsky@gmail.com 

Tell me a little about your situation, where you are located and over the next few days you will hear more...This is not just if you live in SC, it's anywhere! I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do!

reflections...

The last few days have gone by so quickly...I find myself wanting to just stop time. I look back over this last week and see so many changes[good of course:)], schedule changes, and growth everyday in Annie Rice. 

A lot of people told me that after having a child, the pain of not having a child and everything we went through to get her would not hurt as bad...it wouldn’t really matter anymore. That’s true..at times I can’t even remember all of those hard times BUT over and over this week I keep reflecting on one thing...GLORY.

A really good friend told me maybe 2 months ago that I needed to praise the Lord for the baby He had in store for us. To begin thanking Him for that baby and not reflect as much on what I didn’t have...AND that she was praying not for a specific baby BUT the baby that would bring the Lord the most glory. That’s a really hard thing to hear while you are waiting...I remember almost getting mad at her when she told me that...I thought, it seems that easy to other people, but not to me...

LOOKING BACK, I only wish I could have done that. I have seen every single day glimpses of the glory Annie Rice brings to the Lord...how her story has touched so many people...how far He has brought me in my walk with Him...the list could go on and on. HE has transformed our lives in a way I could have never imagined 3+ years ago when we started the journey of starting a family. I can’t pray without crying and praising Him for His goodness. The amount of support that we have seen over the last few weeks has literally blown us away! To all of you, my readers, I can’t thank you enough for ALL of the sweet messages and emails! EVERY SINGLE ONE has meant more to me than you will ever know. THANK YOU for all of your prayers...One thing that I know for sure..PRAYER is powerful. HE is FAITHFUL and GOOD...and while maybe not in our timing, HE WILL give you the DESIRES OF YOUR HEART. NEVER LOOSE HOPE!

To Him be ALL GLORY AND HONOR....

life with Annie Rice..

Annie Rice is such a blessing and joy to be around! Her transition has blown me away! It's very evident that the Lord has had his hand all over us. From the minute we took her out of the car Saturday, she hasn't stopped smiling! She is such a happy baby. She wakes up smiling and clapping. She lights up when dada comes home from work. She constantly calls momma and looks all over for me if I'm not in the room. She responds to her "new" name, Annie Rice. She wants to be loved and held. Just in the few days we've had her, she's learned to "kiss kiss", wave bye bye, and fake cough:) She's so sweet. She is sleeping 8-10 hours a night. She loves bath time and splashes water everywhere! She constantly has her hands in her mouth because of teething and always carries around a teething ring. In a high chair, she puts her feet over the top. Yesterday, my mom and I had a lot of errands to run which lasted about 6 hours. She never once cried...She was just as happy as she could be. I can't get enough of her! 

our first family picture before leaving Bethany's office...

 We took her blanket away...

 Meeting everyone for the first time...

 First feeding at home...

 First bath...

 before going to church...