Over the last few years, I have been on a spiritual and emotional roller coaster. There were days where I literally was so mad at the Lord, and then days where all I wanted to do was cry. He has grown my faith in ways I can't explain, especially over this last year. A song that brought me to tears every time I heard it was He is Mighty to Save...I couldn't sing these lines in church without stopping because if I kept singing I would burst into tears and not be able to stop...
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
For so long, I WANTED so badly to believe that He could move the mountains in my own life, but most of the time I doubted because of my hurt. For the first time, this past weekend I was able to sing this song KNOWING AND BELIEVING 100% that HE not only CAN move mountains BUT HE DID in my life...of course there were still tears:)
Kaz and I started the adoption journey really not knowing what the future held...If I'm honest, it appeared to be more of a solution to our problem than anything else. I wanted to go through it as quickly as possible and get our baby. Before we were ever put on the waiting list, we had to attend a certain number of meetings through Bethany to learn more about adoption and help us through the journey. I remember sitting in a small trailer with about 7-8 other couples and thinking to myself that we would probably be the last couple chosen...That was my worst case scenario fear kicking in....I was right...We were not only the last couple out of the group to be chosen but we saw many other couples that went through the process after us get chosen. It REALLY WASN'T AT ALL about us....It was about HIS PERFECT TIMING and the CHILD HE HAD CHOSEN FOR US. While at times during the waiting, it was easy for me to see that, the majority of the time it was very difficult for me to see that...I mostly saw my hurt, pain, selfishness, and occasionally could see the bigger picture. I still can't see the bigger picture to its fullest BUT what I can see is the Lord's FAITHFULNESS to us even when I wasn't faithful...I CAN SEE the blessing of adoption and how in reality it wasn't just a solution but it's now a calling to our life...AND I CAN SEE glimpses of just how much the Lord loves us that He would give us such a special little girl and allow us to go through everything we did...because in the end, we are so much stronger AND I HONESTLY WOULDN'T CHANGE one thing.
If you've been following my blog, you've read several times about the first birth mom we were paired with. We really thought that was the baby, especially when she came back into the picture a month before she was due. That last month, I grew in my faith more than I did the whole year we waited...Even though it hurt, I'm thankful we went through it...and every time I look back, it amazes me at the Lord's timing...That the very day after she had the baby, we got the phone call about our Annie. It wasn’ta coincidence...It was His perfect timing...For awhile, we didn't have anyone who was going through the same thing that we were, and that frustrated me in itself that I had no one that could fully understand...but now when I look around, the Lord has blessed us with so many friendships through adoption, which brings me to this...
Lately, I've received so many emails, facebook messages,and even phone calls from women struggling during their waiting, wanting more information about adoption, or even just saying they had been praying for me.
I have had a heavy heart about helping and have been praying about where the Lord was leading me with this...I'm still not 100% sure of what this will look like, but I believe the Lord is calling me to start an adoption/infertility support group online. Truth and encouragement from others are great, but it's so much easier talking to someone if they have been through the same thing. If you are in the adoption process, struggling through infertility, considering adoption, have adopted or simply just want to pray for these women who are please send me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tell me a little about your situation, where you are located and over the next few days you will hear more...This is not just if you live in SC, it's anywhere! I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do!