The last few months, I haven’t really shared anything personal on this blog...Not because I didn’t want too, but because honestly I have kind of shut down. My mind has been on mostly work and I haven’t spent a lot of time doing anything else but being a mom, being a wife, and work. Work completely took over my life really since the beginning of April. I overbooked myself way before we got Annie Rice, and I never realized just how much work in the last 4 months would take its toll on me. But over the last 2-3 weeks, the Lord has been doing a whole lot in my heart. He’s been showing me just where my heart has been the last few months, but also showing me that “where I have been” is not where He wants me. I’m not talking about work wise...He is still calling me to photography but He is NOT CALLING me to let photography be the main thing in my life. He’s calling me to allow HIM to be the main thing in my life. I have been really selfish lately...Not in ways really that anyone could see except Kaz and the Lord, but there have been certain things that we have been talking about it doing and I have been very selfish in them, EVEN THOUGH I could see the Lord clearly calling us in those directions.
Today, He reminded me of a really sweet message. These last few days have been long! Potty training...and what we’ve been doing is just that. Using the potty a whole lot, which means I have been sitting and watching Annie Rice a lot! I haven’t really had a lot of time to do much else unless she’s sleeping or when Kaz gets home because she goes to the potty every 10 minutes it seems like[but that’s a good thing:)] Today I put dinner in the oven and it had about 30 minutes before it would be done. Kaz got home and I decided to go for a run. The weather was kind of iffy...It wasn’t raining but looked stormy. I started running and felt great! About 5 minutes into the run, it started steady drizzling, and by the time I had turned around at my halfway point, it was raining so hard it was hard for me to see...I kept looking, hoping I would see Kaz driving in the car coming to pick me up, but I never saw him. A few minutes later, the rain had slowed down, but it was still stormy. When I made it home, even though I was soaked, looked like a mess, and the clouds were still really dark, I couldn’t help but smile because I finished the run and it honestly felt refreshing. I wanted to walk so badly the last half mile, but I just couldn’t...I wouldn’t let myself. The whole run the Lord kept reminding me of something He really showed me while we were going through our “rainy/stormy season” of infertility and adoption journey. I even had a sign made to hang on the nursery door that said ,”It only rains for a little while. So when it does, drop your umbrella and dance awhile”. The Lord reminded me that the storms in life will come, but He wants us to rejoice in them and “dance” as the sign says...The rain may be light or so hard you can’t see out of it, but He WILL ALWAYS be there even if I CAN’T SEE Him. Just like in my run today, He carried me through to the finish even though I was tired, wanted to give up and walk at the very end, and wanting so badly to just see Kaz coming to pick me up. Much like I do the storms in life...I just want Him to “pick me up” on the journey and make the last steps easy. BUT I’m THANKFUL He doesn’t do that! Instead, He lets us keep running the race, pushing us and carrying us through, so that when we are on the other side[literally and one day in Heaven], we can smile the biggest smile we’ve ever imagined. What a GREAT and MIGHTY God we serve. All of the things I have been so selfish about, are really because I am scared to move forward in any direction. I’m scared because I don’t know what will happen, and right now my life is great and comfortable. BUT HE reminded me today, that if HE CALLS me to something, HE WILL CARRY ME THROUGH no matter how scary and how many rain storms come my way....and who am I to judge? What I think "might" be a storm in life, could turn out to be one of the biggest blessings of all? I think I’ve already learned that lesson at least once....I don’t know why it hasn’t stuck yet.
And to think I thought I was just going for a nice evening run....He is GOOD and I am THANKFUL.