Monday, July 23, 2012

some BIG news...

I really don’t even know where to begin....First, I’ll tell you the exciting news and then explain ALL that the Lord has been doing!

We are adopting AGAIN! We are very excited but I have to be honest and say I am VERY nervous! Let me go back just a little bit...
I am an only child, so I have always told Kaz I would be perfectly fine with 1 child. Not long after we got Annie Rice, Kaz kept mentioning adopting again to me. Everytime I said “NO”, AND I just wanted to enjoy Annie Rice. This idea of adopting again has continued to be the topic of some of our conversations and I have continued to say, “not yet”. These last few months have been super crazy because of weddings, and if you remember this post, you will remember me saying that I have kind of pushed everything out except work. One of those reasons I fought so hard NOT to spend time with the Lord, was because I knew he was CALLING US in this direction and I honestly wasn’t ready, and didn’t know if I would ever be ready! I have been extremely selfish throughout the whole thing, which in some ways is ok, but I have fought Him every step of the way. I kept making every excuse you could think of as to WHY we SHOULDN’T adopt again. Literally, Kaz could probably name off 10 right away. I remember one day recently that we talked about this and were on the same page that we would contact Bethany for the application, and the very next day I had such an attitude with Kaz and told him I had changed my mind and I didn’t think we should start the process until next year! Again, my selfishness AND SATAN clearly trying hard to push me away from what the LORD IS DOING. I can honestly say, I have never been in such a clear battle of what the Lord is calling us to verses what Satan is trying to make me believe which are LIES! The Lord must have something very big on the horizon because Satan sure is fighting hard! I have so many fears this time, I think because I know what to expect in a sense. We went through so much before, it scares me to go through even parts of that again...the money overwhelms me, and I honestly am a little nervous at how life will change. All of those are my fears...I sure am THANKFUL that HE can calm those fears.

SO, A whole lot has been going on! I know the Lord has a perfect plan and I am choosing to spend time in His word and prayer everyday during the process. Last time, I had so much hurt in the beginning of the process, my faith didn’t grow stronger until the end of our journey. This time, satan is coming at me with weapons raised and I refuse to be beaten up especially by LIES. 

We have been told the beginning process will take a good bit longer this time, which that is perfectly okay with me! We wouldn’t be on the waiting list before December. Over time, I will share more of my fears...I’ve always been honest on this blog, and I will continue to be. My words and heart may not always be pretty, but I know that He is daily transforming me into who is CALLING ME TO BE...

I’m thankful for this calling of adoption on our lives. It definitely was something that I would have never imagined for my life. BUT I AM THANKFUL! It is a beautiful thing and I am excited to see where He takes us on this 2nd adoption journey!

9 comments:

stacey said...

yayyy!!! i am so excited to hear this, and can't wait to follow along on your second journey!

Beth said...

Yea! I found your blog somewhat recently, so I’m so excited to follow along from the beginning of this adoption journey. I am in the waiting phase of our first adoption and I have been battling major fears lately too. I love what you said, ”The Lord must have something very big on the horizon because Satan sure is fighting hard!” I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Thank you.

Beth said...

Congrats!! that is such exciting news!! Praise GOD!! can't wait to hear more. love the journey so far... (:

Holly said...

Yay! I was SO excited to hear this news! I know Annie Rice is going to be wonderful big sister. God is good! :)

This is getting a little personal for a comment, but....your fears are very similar to mine when I became pregnant with my fourth daughter, when my triplets were only 4 months old. I had been through SO much being pregnant with them, having them almost die in the NICU from being so sick and going through surgeries and such, and I was SO scared and honestly, mad, that I was pregnant again. But I had to really put my faith and trust in the Lord and know that he had a purpose for this child, just as he did with our triplets. I just didn't want to go through all of it again SO SOON, I was scared beyond belief, BUT, now that she is 6 months old, I can see clearly that God gave me her to heal a lot of my wounds and scars from the whole experience with my triplets. I can say that honestly now that I am forever grateful for the "surprise" pregnancy...even though in my eyes, the time wasn't right!

I hope the same for you when you look back at your journey! You will be a wonderful mom to two!! )

Jessica @ This Blessed Life said...

Congratulations! So, so exciting. :)

Patience said...

Congrats! What exciting news!

Ashley said...

So excited for you, Amy! We are also about to start the process again. I know what you mean about being very nervous! It scares me to think about having 2 small children but I think it'll be great for our girls to grow up having a sibling close in age. Can't wait to see what God is doing in your life!

Kelsey said...

Congratulations! I am so excited for you!

Amanda said...

I just love your blog & I'm so excited to follow along on your journey!!!