pregnancy & adoption thoughts...

I have a bad habit of playing on my phone in the middle of the night when I wake up...Even if I get up to go to the bathroom, I usually check out facebook, my email, etc. Last night was no different....I was looking on facebook and I came across a writeup from a girl whom I’m friends with on facebook but don’t really know[We’ve met once]. The writeup was about her pregnancy...She’s been married maybe 6 months and she wrote a story about how easy it was to get pregnant. They tried 1 time. As I read it, I began to get kind of mad...Not because I’m not pregnant, but because I just don’t understand how it can be so easy for some people and so hard for others....When I really think about mine and Kaz’s story, I feel like it’s kind of easy compared to other people and even some friends we know. We chose not to go down roads of infertility treatment...that was our choice and one we have never regretted. To be honest, I don’t know that we will ever go down those roads...Not because we don’t agree with them, because we haven’t felt called down those paths. 

I never would have imagined that it would be so hard to start our family...I hear stories of  moms who are 17, have 3 children, can’t take care of the children she has, and gets pregnant again....Everything in me wants to scream! BUT the truth is, without those women adoptions would never happen. Adoption was never an option for me...If I had gotten pregnant, I don’t know that it ever would be...Even though the waiting hasn’t been easy, it’s been worth it. Adoption is different...You can’t understand it, until you’ve been in it...BUT BOY, am I glad I’m in it. I have no idea how or if the Lord will increase our family over the years, but however it is I’m excited! I hate hearing, “Once you adopt, you’ll get pregnant...” Adoption is NOT the answer to getting pregnant. The Lord is....If HE wants it, then nothing can stop it BUT adoption is NOT the cure. 

All of this was to say, that even though we are on this adoption road, my emotions and sin still play a large role in how I view pregnancy. I still get upset when I find out friends are pregnant, I still cry because at times it seems like the waiting will never end, and at times I still want a baby RIGHT NOW. BUT the Lord HAS BROUGHT me a LONG WAY....3 weeks ago, I was on my way home and had to stop by Wal-Mart for a few things...Over the last 5 months, my body and cycle have somehow changed to “normal”. That HAS NEVER happened especially on its own. That month, things changed again to “my normal”. I had been feeling so out of control because everything in me DID NOT want to be pregnant BUT it was definitely a possibility...I had to take a test, just for my peace of mind. I came home, Kaz saw it, and was just as shocked as I was that I would actually take it. I haven’t bought a pregnancy test in at least 2 years...I just COULDN’T buy them....I said, I have to take this for my peace of mind BUT I’M PRAYING it says NO. After a few minutes, sure enough it said NO. Kaz and I did the HAPPY DANCE. That in itself, showed both of us JUST HOW EXCITED we are about the adoption. FOR ONCE, I didn’t cry to a negative test...Sad thoughts didn’t even cross my mind. The Lord has us on this journey for a reason....This baby IS so special....He/or she has been prayed for SO MUCH...THERE HAS TO BE BIG PLANS in store for he/or she and our family. That gets me excited EVERY day....

To HIM be the glory FOREVER and EVER....

fun times and good friends...

Recently, I was able to get away for a few days for some family & girl time! Me, my mom, and dad spent pretty much the whole day shopping in Columbia! [My dad had so much fun:)] We drug him from store to store! We also were able to see Mr. Billy again...He is so sweet! He said, "So I heard Leroy died...Did you cry?" I said, "Yes, I did a little bit." He said," Well, thats what any person should do. It's only right. Now you can just remember all the memories you had with him." He's a sweetie! While we were there, his wife, Mrs. Sarah came! I LOVE spending time with the Browns....

The next day, I went to spend a few days with Liz and Todd. I've been promising Liz I would come stay with her JUST BECAUSE! I always tend to stay when I have photoshoots in Columbia, so this time was just because...We had a BLAST! We honestly did, well really nothing! We played Tetris on the Wii for literally hours! I'm a very competitive person...so once I saw Liz was better than me, the game was on! We stayed up talking until after mid-night and then could hardly function the next morning! 

We also booked 30 minute massages/30 minute facials at Tonic Day Spa in Columbia that we bought through Groupon. It was SO RELAXING! 

We had such a fun time together as always!

coupons and saving money....

I've recently started couponing...This is my 3rd week. I kept saying all last year that I was going to start, but let's face it, I had NO extra time to coupon with working at Seacoast and photography full time! Kaz and I have been HUGE Wal-Mart shoppers since we moved back to Charleston 3 years ago. Honestly, because we live RIGHT BEHIND Wal-Mart. It's so easy to go there at any time during the day because it's so close! Our weekly budget has pretty consistently been $75 a week. I thought that was pretty good, BUT after talking to friends who have children and spend less than $50 a week I SOON realized we needed to make some changes! 

I talked to my friends Liz and Blythe about couponing because they both use Southern Savers and know more about coupons than I do! After talking to them, and spending about 6 hours on it the last 3 weeks I'm happy to say that I'm officially beginning to coupon AND I LOVE it! 

Ideally, I would like to get out budget down to around $40-$50 a week. There are some things we are not willing to sacrifice on, which are carrots[for juicing-about 10 pounds a week], other fruits, and at least 1 meat a week for Kaz. I'm not a big frozen foods person such a chicken tenders, nuggets, pizza rolls, etc so stuff like that doesn't interest me. BUT in the last 2 weeks I've been able to get SOME REALLY good stuff and have spent a total of $106 on groceries in the last 2 weeks. Thats a savings of $44 from our normal budget. Right now, I'm in the stocking up stage. I ONLY BUY what I know we will use...I don't buy just because it's a good deal. I'm sure it will take a couple more weeks of stocking up before I can get the $ to where I want it in a week, but that's ok. 

I'm doing all of my shopping at Publix! I had no idea how great of a store they were! Our Publix takes other store coupons and doubles coupons up to $.50. Each week I have gone to the same register...The cashier is a young guy and the bagger is an older man. I love that they know me now...This morning the older guy said, "Do you think you will do as well as you did last week?". I thought it was special that he remembered me AND HOW GOOD I did:)

DON'T WORRY....I'm not going to post EVERY week my grocery buys, BUT I will show you my last 2 weeks!

This week[Total bill $112, spent $59, SAVINGS of $53]...Angel Soft toilet paper, Palmolive dish soap, saltine crackers, Windex, 2 Lysol wipes, 4 cans rotel, 2 packs toll house cookie dough, Lipton soup, 2 packs Kraft shredded cheese, 3 packs of pasta, 2 packs hot dogs, 2 packs hotdog/hamburger buns, 2 boxes Ritz crackers, 2 boxes Tricuits, and 1 pack of Huggies diapers[for $5] :) OH AND 4lbs of Ribs...

The household stuff was what I was most excited about! 

 Last weeks bill[Bill $103, spent $47, SAVINGS of $56] 10lbs carrots, 2 packs of paper plates, 1 roll of Scott paper towels, 8 cans of tuna, 1 cantaloupe, 2 bags chex mix, 2 bags Doritos, 1 can Newman salsa, 2 bottles A1 sauce, 4 bottles Kraft bbq sauce, 6 cans Cambells Chunky soups, 2 containers of deli meat, 2 packs of Publix hummus, 2 lbs london broil, and 2 Reese cups. 

SO COUPONING is what I'm doing every tuesday afternoon, and going to Publix every Wed morning:) That's my new routine! Kaz and I buy the sunday paper to get Red Plum and Smart Source Coupons and then I go to the following websites to print other coupons:

Coupons.com

Target

Do you have any couponing tips?

i miss the rains down in Africa...

Kaz and I were talking a couple days ago about our trip in college to South Africa. I LOVE thinking and talking about that trip. Sometimes it doesn't seem real that we actually got to live in South Africa for 3 months...It was such a growing summer for both of us, but ALSO a crazy, fun summer. We got to see SO MUCH of South Africa and have memories that we never forget...Here are a few pictures I found AND some of the CRAZY things we saw! We used to sing this song while we were there....I'm singing it today....I miss the rains down in Africa:(

Our whole group...

 We all lived in one house! It got pretty interesting at times:)

the beautiful children.... 

 We camped out in Kruger National Park for one week. Hyenas would walk the fence at night beside our tents.....it was TOO CLOSE of quarters for me:)

 YES, we WERE this CLOSE! 

The boys used to play this game...They would line up just like this AND LET another person kick them in the rear end with a soccer ball! As soon as I find the video I have, I will post it! It's hilarious! 

I told you it got interesting:)

what I'm loving "right now"....

Hersey's Cookies & Cream Kisses...

Oh BOY! These are addictive BUT OH SO GOOD! I was originally attracted to them by the color wrapping..I’m helping plan a baby shower and they were blue so I thought they would be perfect! When I got home, I just HAD to try them! Kaz and I ended up buying 2 additional bags to replace the 2 bags we ate:)

Not only are they GOOD, BUT perfect for baby showers, or any party with the theme of BLUE)

David Tutera: My Fair Wedding...

I don’t normally enjoy watching wedding shows. I’m not sure why-I’m around weddings ALL THE TIME! I guess I think most of the shows are cheesy, BUT I’m in LOVE with David Tutera: My Fair wedding. David comes in just 3 weeks before a brides wedding and completely changes EVERYTHING! His work never ceases to amaze me! I love watching this show:) Maybe I will meet him someday.....:)

photo credit: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFYCPjZ8JpYI3qw3Z8OCB0LZibbstgcdEVnilUB6OWvzMy-0Qm8sUHgro4a8jpEO0Ms25uwKXUhsGGvvcxrULswpxhdxDybDsdYbgN_Dg6GjDLDaAYurFH34pO-Sx2w8dSo_bp/s320/Kcook1.bmp

6pm.com

I have found SO MANY GREAT deals on 6pm.com. They have so many items at a discounted rate(some of them may be one season behind). I recently found a pair of running shoes that I paid $130 online, for $80 on 6pm.com. They were the exact same pair of shoes! Kaz has ordered several things from 6pm.com but I’m just now on the bandwagon! Great website-Great prices!

Coupons...

I’m starting on the coupon train[to a certain extent]. My favorite website is Southern Savers. Southern Savers helps you to figure out shopping list at all stores[Publix, Harris Teeter, Food Lion, CVS, etc] with the best possible savings! There are tons of online coupons that can be printed along with updated deals all week! More on this next week:)

I also have started looking for coupons before going out to eat, etc. Kaz and I are going to Chili’s tonight for dinner so I searched Chili’s coupons! I found a lot, but my favorite was $5 off 2 entrees! Works for me:)

Coupons...Coupons....Coupons!

Quaker Oats Instant Grits...

I guess the cold weather got me in a grits mood! I haven’t had grits in FOREVER and now it’s all I want for Breakfast, Lunch AND DINNER! I went a whole week eating ONLY GRITS for my meals! I’m slowly coming off of that kick and only eating them for breakfast but I LOVE them! So many flavors to choose between: butter, country bacon, cheddar cheese, etc.

YUM...YUM!

These are a few of the things I’m loving right now...What about you?

easy, DELICIOUS, and healthy recipe....

Grilled Chicken Sliders
Ingredients

• 1  1b.  skinless chicken breasts
•   Salt and pepper to taste
• 4    kiwi fruit, peeled and chopped
• 1  Tbs.  chopped fresh mint
• 1  tsp.  honey
• 6    whole wheat cocktail buns, split
• 3  Tbs.  honey mustard
• 12    red apple slices

Directions

1. Cut chicken breasts into 6 pieces. Season with salt and pepper. Grill for 10 to 12 minutes or until no longer pink in the center, turning once.

2. Mix kiwi, mint, honey, and more salt and pepper. Spread bottom buns with honey mustard and add 2 apple slices, chicken, kiwi, and bun tops.

WHAT I CHANGED...

I didn't add mint. I personally think the apple slices are better if they are cut thin like potato chips! Regardless, this recipe was EASY, HEALTHY, and DELICIOUS!

Nutrition Facts

Servings Per Recipe 6 sliders

---

• Amount Per Serving
• Calories 218
• Total Fat (g) 3
• Saturated Fat (g) 1
• Monounsaturated Fat (g) 1
• Polyunsaturated Fat (g) 1
• Cholesterol (mg) 44
• Sodium (mg) 305
• Carbohydrate (g) 27
• Total Sugar (g) 11
• Fiber (g) 4
• Protein (g) 21
• Vitamin C (DV%) 81
• Calcium (DV%) 6
• Iron (DV%) 9

---

Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet

in HIS hands....

I've been realizing A LOT lately...For MANY months, I struggled so hard with infertility...I felt alone, like a failure, like I was being punished, mad, sad, angry, hurt, bitter...the list could go on. I wanted nothing to do with prayer or the Lord BECAUSE I felt like HE was punishing me. I struggled HARD....

I've been realizing lately that satan had me exactly where he wanted me...HE WANTED me to believe all those things. HE CONTINUALLY threw them in my face...HE DID exactly what the bible says...

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." (John 10:10-11)

Going through all the stages that I have, I NEVER ONCE REALIZED that Satan was trying to destroy me...He was trying to keep me down...to make me feel mad, bitter, alone, etc. It makes me mad to think that I LET HIM continually beat me up all those months...

WHAT I'VE ALSO REALIZED is that the Lord NEVER turned His back on me...It seemed like it many times. It seemed/seems like sometimes my prayers are hitting the ceiling...BUT the below verses, give me hope. I'm starting to see that all those months of feeling alone, were just a feeling...I'm believing that the Lord was/is, holding me so tightly in the grip of His hand...

Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” (Exodus 33:21-23)

some new pictures...

This past Saturday, we were in Columbia for a few things...We got to spend a little time with our friends Liz and Todd, and Baylis and Darrell! I've been wanting some new pictures for my header so I asked Todd to snap a few pictures of me and Kaz!  It was such a fun day! Below are a few pictures...

 Us being silly!

MY weight loss plan....

A lot of you have asked HOW I lost the weight....Well, my plan hasn't been super strict...ACTUALLY I went in spurts. I've always "kind of" followed weight watchers. I usually eat a smart one everyday for lunch..Last year, I was so busy working at Seacoast and doing photography I didn't exactly have a lot of time to cook so it was usually smart ones for lunch and dinner. Running was really my only form of exercise and Kaz and I started juicing back in January 2010.

Now that I have more time, I'm going to follow Weight Watchers very strict for the next 2-3 months. I REALL REALLY REALLY want to loose those additional pounds and working from home I need a strict plan! I signed up for Weight Watchers online for 3 months[$53 for the 3 months]. It's been GREAT![Mind you, I typically follow this plan anyway JUST NOT VERY STRICT...] While I already eat smart ones, 100 calorie packs, etc I'm not very good at staying within my points range..SO THAT'S going to be the real trick! Being at home everyday, I have the flexibility to eat whatever I want...that's both a good AND bad thing. Keeping track of my points is really going to help me follow a plan. 

I LOVE that I can enter the foods I've eaten and WW online tells me exactly how many calories, grams of fat, etc I've eaten AND how much I am allowed for the rest of the day. I can also track my exercise and water intake. 

The way I've set my account up, is to weigh in each Sunday. WW online will show my progress from week to week!

I'm super excited about this AND ready to loose those few extra pounds!

I'm also starting back on the "NO SODA" bandwagon that I fell off of at Christmas:( It's a very hard addiction to stop! Everytime I try to stop, I do good for awhile AND then crash. So this time I'm doing something a little different....I'm allowing myself 2 diet cokes a week. THAT'S IT! To you, that may sound like a lot BUT when you are used to drinking just diet coke all day, it's really not...This way, I can cut down the soda, but still get a little fix:)

I'm still going to continue running BUT I'm going to add in strength training 2xs a week. AND Kaz and I are going to continue juicing.
SO, there's my plan. I would LOVE to hear your tips and tricks..OR your weight watchers experience!

M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N...

Since December, I really haven't had ANY motivation to loose weight. I've been running a TON so it kind of gave me the freedom to eat whatever I've wanted. I haven't gained any weight BUT haven't lost any either....I still have 8 more pounds to go to reach my "wedding day" weight. I would really love to loose a total of 23 pounds[including the 8] BUT my current goal is 8 pounds:) I'm starting back hard core TODAY...I'll be telling you a few things I'm doing next week but when loosing weight YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE the little victories. Today I'm celebrating...I think the pictures speak volumes!

August 2009

October 2009

March 2010

June 2010

January 2011

 There MAY NOT look like a lot of difference in the last 2 pictures BUT BELIEVE me there are!

Since Jan 2010 I've lost 36 pounds, gone down 4 pants sizes, and 2 shirt sizes!!!!

For all who think loosing weight is not possible, IT IS!!!! Stay MOTIVATED!

one more...

This is my favorite picture from the race...it was right before we started!!!

a letter from a birthmom....

I just happened to find this video yesterday on YouTube. It’s a letter from a birthmom. I typed it all so you could read BUT if you have 4 minutes check out the video instead. Kaz and I have had the opportunity through Bethany’s meetings to actually meet birthmom’s and hear their stories. When I saw this video, tears streamed down my face. Kaz and I are praying everyday for our baby’s birthmom, wherever she may be....

To a beautiful young man...

Before I go any further, I want you to know that I love you very much..

You were born on Dec. 19, 1991at 12:35 am..

You weighed 7 lbs, 15.5 oz and you were 19.75 inches long...

You were the most beautifulist baby I had ever seen...

I had to have a c-section with you because your little head would not drop low enough for you to come out....

I was in labor with you for 10 hours before the doctor told me that I was going to have a c-section...

The doctors started working on me at 12:15am, and 20 minutes later, at 12:35am you were born....

You let out a little cry right after you were born, and that was the only time you cried...

I’ll never forget the first time I heard you cry...

It sounded just like a little whine...

I started crying my eyes out..I couldn’t believe I actually had a baby....

It didn’t seem real.

The first day I went on a nursery visit and saw you was on December 21,1991...

When the nurse brought you into the room, I started crying a little bit...

You were so cute...You just laid there in my arms and stared at me...

You kept grabbing a hold of my finger and squeezing it....

I sat and talked to you and told you that I loved you....

Those were the most precious moments of my life...

The next day Dec. 22, 1991, I went back and saw you again...

You had just gotten done being fed when the nurse brought you into see me...

She laid you in my arms and you stared at me again...

I had brought a pair of booties and a blanket to give to you...

I put the booties on your feet and then covered you back up and started rocking you...

Within 15 minutes you were asleep...After you fell asleep, I talked to you...

I told you that the reason I was placing you for adoption was not because I didn’t love you, but because I did love you...

You are the most previous thing in my life, and if there was anyway to keep you and raise you, I would...

I was only 16 years old when you were  born...

I was not married and your birth father left me when he found out that I was pregnant...

I couldn’t possibly raise you on my own...

My parents would have helped me, but you were my responsibility not theirs...

I wanted to be the one who raised you, not them...

Placing you for adoption was one of the most hardest things I ever had to do...

You were and are a part of me, and when you left you took my heart with you...

I don’t want you to ever think that I didn’t and don’t love you...

You will forever be remembered in my heart and my prayers...

I wanted you to have a great life, and I knew if I didn’t place you for adoption, you wouldn’t have a great life...

I hope one day you will be able to forgive me for what I did...

But if you cannot, I will understand....

I love you so much sweetheart...

Please don’t ever forget that...

Please...

I love you..

Love forever..

Your biological mother

My song to you from me is by Bryan Adams...It’s called “Everything I do, I do it for you”...

Please listen to it and try to understand

I love you!