Friday, February 04, 2011

pregnancy & adoption thoughts...

I have a bad habit of playing on my phone in the middle of the night when I wake up...Even if I get up to go to the bathroom, I usually check out facebook, my email, etc. Last night was no different....I was looking on facebook and I came across a writeup from a girl whom I’m friends with on facebook but don’t really know[We’ve met once]. The writeup was about her pregnancy...She’s been married maybe 6 months and she wrote a story about how easy it was to get pregnant. They tried 1 time. As I read it, I began to get kind of mad...Not because I’m not pregnant, but because I just don’t understand how it can be so easy for some people and so hard for others....When I really think about mine and Kaz’s story, I feel like it’s kind of easy compared to other people and even some friends we know. We chose not to go down roads of infertility treatment...that was our choice and one we have never regretted. To be honest, I don’t know that we will ever go down those roads...Not because we don’t agree with them, because we haven’t felt called down those paths. 

I never would have imagined that it would be so hard to start our family...I hear stories of  moms who are 17, have 3 children, can’t take care of the children she has, and gets pregnant again....Everything in me wants to scream! BUT the truth is, without those women adoptions would never happen. Adoption was never an option for me...If I had gotten pregnant, I don’t know that it ever would be...Even though the waiting hasn’t been easy, it’s been worth it. Adoption is different...You can’t understand it, until you’ve been in it...BUT BOY, am I glad I’m in it. I have no idea how or if the Lord will increase our family over the years, but however it is I’m excited! I hate hearing, “Once you adopt, you’ll get pregnant...” Adoption is NOT the answer to getting pregnant. The Lord is....If HE wants it, then nothing can stop it BUT adoption is NOT the cure. 

All of this was to say, that even though we are on this adoption road, my emotions and sin still play a large role in how I view pregnancy. I still get upset when I find out friends are pregnant, I still cry because at times it seems like the waiting will never end, and at times I still want a baby RIGHT NOW. BUT the Lord HAS BROUGHT me a LONG WAY....3 weeks ago, I was on my way home and had to stop by Wal-Mart for a few things...Over the last 5 months, my body and cycle have somehow changed to “normal”. That HAS NEVER happened especially on its own. That month, things changed again to “my normal”. I had been feeling so out of control because everything in me DID NOT want to be pregnant BUT it was definitely a possibility...I had to take a test, just for my peace of mind. I came home, Kaz saw it, and was just as shocked as I was that I would actually take it. I haven’t bought a pregnancy test in at least 2 years...I just COULDN’T buy them....I said, I have to take this for my peace of mind BUT I’M PRAYING it says NO. After a few minutes, sure enough it said NO. Kaz and I did the HAPPY DANCE. That in itself, showed both of us JUST HOW EXCITED we are about the adoption. FOR ONCE, I didn’t cry to a negative test...Sad thoughts didn’t even cross my mind. The Lord has us on this journey for a reason....This baby IS so special....He/or she has been prayed for SO MUCH...THERE HAS TO BE BIG PLANS in store for he/or she and our family. That gets me excited EVERY day....
To HIM be the glory FOREVER and EVER....

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I love this post because you wrote out so many of my feelings! It is still painful for me to see those big swollen pregnant bellies, but then I'm hoping each month not to be pregnant so it doesn't mess up our adoption plans...lol! When I start feeling down I just start thinking about our precious baby that is (hopefully) growing in someone's belly right now and I get so excited. Praying our waits are not much longer!

Jennifer said...

I'm praying for you. I know that you and Kaz will be such amazing parents.

e.faeth.adopt. said...

very good post. i understand your words. infertility treatment is not for us either. adoption IS. WE understand these feelings- once oyu are on the PATH, only YOU and YOURS truelt 'get it' . so, i do understand your words. it makes sense to ME ; }

Misty said...

I am a first time reader and I LOVED this post.

Please remember...God's plan is PERFECT! His timing is PERFECT!

As an adoptive mommy, I can testify that when God pours out His blessings...hold on because it is WONDERFUL.

tootie said...

What a beautiful story! My friend and her husband recently adopted a baby girl, and they are sooo happy!

Timothy and Holly said...

Amy I'm so proud for you and Kaz... you will make great parents soon. I had to keep reminding myseld that God wouldn't give me the deep desires that I have if he didn't want me to have children. He just wanted me to learn to have faith in Him and that He provides. Love you~!

arielle said...

i'm not sure how i stumbled upon your blog but i loved this post! your honesty is beautiful.

blessings on your adoption! :)

maNda said...

you are so positive. i love it.

maNda said...
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