Wednesday, March 03, 2010

A little discouraged…..

First, if you haven't entered the fabulous pearl necklace giveaway that I’m doing, please go here to enter!

This week has definitely had its ups and downs so far…I haven’t really talked YET on my blog about the direction that Kaz and I are going in with our infertility journey. Many of you know that my doctor said she could no longer help us but I haven’t talked about what the next step is for us….AND honestly, I haven’t for several reasons but Kaz and I really felt like we needed to take some steps back and just pray and seek the Lord on His plan for our life. So over the last couple of months, we been praying and starting down the path he is calling us to….AND I PROMISE I will SHARE with you soon. Either route we go[fertility treatments or adoption] is very costly. My insurance like most won’t cover either. So we have been really trying to save all the extra money we have for this route we will be taking. As we move forward, the costs we’ll incur will be substantial, so we’ve been committed to saving all the extra money we are able in preparation. We have been praying and trusting the Lord would provide the amount of money that we need. AND to be honest with you, we have been very happy and excited with what we have been given and the amount we have saved thus far.

Well, last week Kaz and I went to see a new doctor. I’ve been having some problems for awhile now and my doctor just hasn’t been able to really help. It was just time to get a second opinion. So last Monday, we went and saw the new doctor and she was very helpful. I had an ultrasound scheduled for this past Monday to just take a look and see what has been going on. Well they found that I have 2 polyps in my cervix along with a lot of fluid. My first reaction was I got worried but after talking with the doctor and praying I’m not worried anymore about that. Basically, they will have to remove the polyps and then do a few other procedures to ensure there are no other blockages or problems.

The more I thought about it, I got upset about the money issue. See my insurance is a high deductible so what I have to pay out of pocket is around $2400. So when I started thinking about that I became very frustrated….I got frustrated because I knew that meant our savings for a future child would be minimized for a little while and I felt like we were talking steps back….It’s been a hard week. I know this is the same with anything in life….This has happened several times and probably will continue with money. There are things that are always unexpected financially….The Lord has been convicting me about being grateful that we have the money instead of discouraged that we have to take it out of something we are saving for…..The problem I’m having with that is our desire to have a family is still there….and that makes it hard. Our plan would have been to already have a family…SO I’m fighting to trust that the Lord will continue providing the money so we can have a family…He’s provided it so far and I have to continue believing He will in the future….I have to believe that this set back is a good thing even if I can’t see it…..All of this boils down to I have to fight to believe the Lord is Good….His plan is perfect….He is watching over me….and will not harm me…..HE WILL give me the desires of my heart….just maybe not when I want them…..

Do you ever struggle with this? With money or the lack of?



24 comments:

carissa @ lowercase letters said...

you know we struggle with it! ; ) poo poo on high deductibles. praying and knowing the Lord will provide!

Jessica said...

my prayers are all with you! God will definitly lead you in the right direction. Try to be patient and just let Him lead. Im sending positive vibes your way!!!

Life Happens said...

Having faith and trusting in the Lord is not easy, and we have to work at it. And the Lord knows that and blesses us when we exercise faith in Him.

We pay (10%) tithing to our church and sometimes I think about what I could spend that money on instead of giving it back to the Lord. But then I look at how much I am blessed in my life and can't imagine not living up to the law of tithing.

I never thought starting a family would take so long, let alone cost soooo much! But no matter how much money we have (to afford IVF procedures or to adopt) the Lord is the one that is ultimately in control.

Faith said...

We are in the same boat of saving every penny we can to pursue the next steps to becoming a family. It is a long, slow road but I know it will be worth it in the end!

Praying for y'all!

Kara said...

That is so hard. I've been in that struggle (not exactly like yours), and it's exhausting. I tended to lean heavily on family and friends for emotional support during the seasons that I felt like our efforts were "going backwards". God is with you. None of this is a surprise to Him. He knows how much money you make and how much you need. He has your family plan already mapped out. It's not always what we think. Keep your heart leaning towards Him - even in the toughest seasons. You won't be disappointed. This season will be a memory that you share about..........with your kids. :-)

Longmeadow Mama said...

One of my favorite verses came to mind when I read your post...
Isaiah 55:8-9
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My way," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

It's so hard, I know. My prayers are with you during this time.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and following. I'm following you now too! Your blog has already been a blessing.

Kelli

LeAnna said...

I'm sorry you guys are struggling! I have so many wonderful friends who have dealt with infertility, and I wish I knew why. God knows, though. One friend in particular struggled and struggled and was just about to go through to the next step (IVF) when God provided their miracle. He knows best, and that is what we have to trust and believe! As for finances, I hear you there. We're going through this pregnancy without insurance, and I'm not too thrilled about that, but HE will make a way, I know. Keep trusting, and rest in the fact that it's not by might, nor by power, but it is by HIS spirit says the Lord. :)
Thanks for following, I'm doing the same now. Love your blog! (And your Chesapeake! My hubby almost got one of those before he decided on an Australian Shepherd!)

Kearsie said...

Oh man. If we had an hour, I'd sit down with you over steaming cups of chai tea and we'd talk about this business of waiting on the Lord and money.

Me and the Hubs are patiently waiting on getting our debt paid off so we can move to Boulder, Colorado to be missionaries/plant a church. It's a crazy expensive place to live, so we must eradicate The Debt. And it sucks. The waiting. The hoping. The waiting. The waiting.

So yes, my friend. I struggle with it too.

Sabrina said...

It is an honor and a blessing to be your friend. My heart breaks for what you and Kaz are going through but I'm so encouraged by your HOPE and FAITH in the Lord!
I know it's a daily struggle but you epitomize Psalm 37:3-4.
"Trust in the Lord and do good...Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires."

Maria Lane said...

I left you something over at my blog!! Hope you like!:)

Hattie said...

We struggle with the "lack of" $$$ everyday.

It sounds like you are kind of having the same problems my mother did. She struggled w/ becoming pregnant and her & my dad were going through the adoption process and it was almost finalized when she found out she was pregnant w/ me at 31. Then she had my sister (another surprise) at 33. She just had to put it in God's hands. I'll keep y'all in my prayers and remember God has a plan for all of us. {{Hugs sweetie}}

Allyson said...

Saving money vs spending money is such a hot button between me and my husband. I completely understand where you are at. I pray that God will give you peace about the decisions you need to make.

Thanks for following my blog :) I just started following yours!

Rhonda said...

Yes, I share the same frustrations with you on trying to become debt free. Adoption has been on my heart lately, but I want to be debt free first. We are following the Dave Ramsey plan and have done Baby Step 1...then turned around when "murphy" came knocking and now have to start again.

I try to look at it as thank goodness the money was there, but when you have your heart set on what you want it to go to it is hard. God sees/knows the big picture, so hang in there! What if getting this procedure done allows you to get pregnant? I still believe the Lord is a miracle worker!
Have a blessed day!

mjellis said...

I'm praying for you both. God is so great and He does have the perfect plan. Hang in there.

Juliana said...

Sweetie-I am thinking of you-our business closed in April and we had to file for bankruptcty---Ifeel you pain and your intense mommy longing.I am sending you the biggest blogsphere hug possible!

Debbie said...

Oh this is a tough trial for you and your hubby to go at such an early time in your marriage! You do know there is a reason, I am certain your power of prayer is seeing you through that. I have a dear friend who adopted three children. Her and husband tried of course and did a lot of what you are doing. In the end what was in their cards was adoption. Two boys are from Columbia, and the girl was actually a friend of a friend of the family who was giving up the baby.....they are an awesome family....those kids are her babies always where since the day she brought them home...so much love there. I will say a prayer for you too, the more prayers the more answers.....thank you for coming by!

Lauren Thomas said...

Hi! I just found your blog, hope you don't mind if I tag along!
Also, I totally understand where you are coming from. My hubs and I also have infertility issues and it always seems like everytime we're ready to start trying, something crazy happens and forces us into a different direction.
All I can say is TRUST that God will allow everything to fall into place when it's time. That's soooo much easier said than done!

christi said...

what an honest post with the struggle and faith so evidently clear. insurance is a battle we fight too. we also have high deductibles but i've learned (slowly and with the help of my husband) to be grateful that we have insurance and we have the means to pay to see incredible doctors. that alone is a blessing.

with that said, i cannot imagine the pain, heartache, confusion you are dealing with. having faith and trusting the the LORD DOES have a plan for you, for your children, is so hard. especially for us women who want, more than nearly anything, to carry a child and be a mother.

i know you know this ... but this is always a great reminder for me when i find myself worrying and stressing about things. the passage from crazy love that i posted: http://www.greyumbrella.com/2010/03/who-do-we-think-we-are.html#comment-37820514

i reread those paragraphs time and time again.

hang in there. keep faith that the LORD has a plan for you. for your family. trust that he will show his plan to you in his time.

Debbie said...

I have not struggled in the same area as you, but I can certainly relate to trials. I will tell you one thing I know for sure...God is going to bless you beyond your wildest dreams. He will provide for you FAR MORE than what you could have ever hoped for. Continue to keep your eyes on the prize.

ASHELY said...

I am glad you found my blog. It's always comforting finding another blogger that is dealing with similar struggles. I am going to put your blog badge on my page...you should do the same.

Chelsie Denson said...

Robbie and I are saving up for a vacation, but lately we've been having car issues. Unfortunately, now we have to take money out of our vacation account which is not very fun, so yes I struggle with it. I need to trust too that God will provide....but he is faithful. I'm excited about your future, and I know he will do big stuff.

Beth Priest said...

oh yes! I am praying for yall!

Indy said...

I will be praying for you, Amy. May the Lord direct your steps.

Hilary Lane said...

My husband & I struggle ALL the time with money. It's been really hard for me, since we got married last April. My parents taught me very good money management and I graduated college with my only debt being about $26k in student loans. My husband has $160k in student loans AND a truck that he bought when the economy was doing great, so he paid about twice what he could buy it for now. ALL the time I think, "Do you know what we could do with an extra $1000 a month?" which is just what he pays in student loans. It gets very frustrating, because I have to make myself NOT think about his debt and my debt because it's OUR debt.

And on the infertility issue: I know a couple who thought they were infertile and they adopted a little boy from Russia. A year later, they found out the were pregnant, all on their own and two years later, they had another baby all on their own. Just a little inspiration that miracles do happen!