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This week has definitely had its ups and downs so far…I haven’t really talked YET on my blog about the direction that Kaz and I are going in with our infertility journey. Many of you know that my doctor said she could no longer help us but I haven’t talked about what the next step is for us….AND honestly, I haven’t for several reasons but Kaz and I really felt like we needed to take some steps back and just pray and seek the Lord on His plan for our life. So over the last couple of months, we been praying and starting down the path he is calling us to….AND I PROMISE I will SHARE with you soon. Either route we go[fertility treatments or adoption] is very costly. My insurance like most won’t cover either. So we have been really trying to save all the extra money we have for this route we will be taking. As we move forward, the costs we’ll incur will be substantial, so we’ve been committed to saving all the extra money we are able in preparation. We have been praying and trusting the Lord would provide the amount of money that we need. AND to be honest with you, we have been very happy and excited with what we have been given and the amount we have saved thus far.
Well, last week Kaz and I went to see a new doctor. I’ve been having some problems for awhile now and my doctor just hasn’t been able to really help. It was just time to get a second opinion. So last Monday, we went and saw the new doctor and she was very helpful. I had an ultrasound scheduled for this past Monday to just take a look and see what has been going on. Well they found that I have 2 polyps in my cervix along with a lot of fluid. My first reaction was I got worried but after talking with the doctor and praying I’m not worried anymore about that. Basically, they will have to remove the polyps and then do a few other procedures to ensure there are no other blockages or problems.
The more I thought about it, I got upset about the money issue. See my insurance is a high deductible so what I have to pay out of pocket is around $2400. So when I started thinking about that I became very frustrated….I got frustrated because I knew that meant our savings for a future child would be minimized for a little while and I felt like we were talking steps back….It’s been a hard week. I know this is the same with anything in life….This has happened several times and probably will continue with money. There are things that are always unexpected financially….The Lord has been convicting me about being grateful that we have the money instead of discouraged that we have to take it out of something we are saving for…..The problem I’m having with that is our desire to have a family is still there….and that makes it hard. Our plan would have been to already have a family…SO I’m fighting to trust that the Lord will continue providing the money so we can have a family…He’s provided it so far and I have to continue believing He will in the future….I have to believe that this set back is a good thing even if I can’t see it…..All of this boils down to I have to fight to believe the Lord is Good….His plan is perfect….He is watching over me….and will not harm me…..HE WILL give me the desires of my heart….just maybe not when I want them…..
Do you ever struggle with this? With money or the lack of?