There are 2 things that I have really grown to love over the last several months: writing and prayer. 2 things that I honestly have never done a whole lot of. I’m not the best in grammar or writing[just ask my husband or college roommate Anne], and prayer has always been something that I knew I needed to do but didn’t really think it mattered...That’s sad to say, but the truth.
Several months ago, the Lord gave me such a new perspective on prayer and writing...He encouraged me to be bold with my request, He gave me the faith to really believe what I was praying, and He gave me a time to pray that was different than I’ve ever had. It became my “must have” of the day...A few months ago, I started walking everyday for about an hour and that became my time to pray instead of listening to my iPod. I started praying for things that I didn’t really know why I was praying for...things that at the time didn’t seem important but would later make sense...friends and family, bloggers who I’d never met but knew there needs, etc. I literally drove 35 minutes everyday just to walk in a certain place because that was my favorite place to pray...the ravenel bridge. When I think of that bridge or drive on it, that’s my first thought. There have been a ton of prayers lifted up on this bridge. I prayed every single day for our sweet baby who at the time we had never met.
Kaz and I have been through a lot. I wouldn’t change any of that...the Lord has shown us His faithfulness, His goodness, His desire for us to know Him, His blessing, His presence, etc. Those things weren’t always pleasant to see, because the times where I’ve grown the most is when I’ve hurt and struggled the most. For so long, our constant prayer has been for a baby. And I’m not going to lie that I thought once that happened, life would be much easier. I love our sweet Annie Rice more than words can describe, and the Lord has brought us so much joy through her. But lately, He has been stirring my heart in ways that scare me. He has been doing things in our life that I know are meant for good, and once I see the bigger picture will make a lot of sense. He has given me a sense of discernment to see some of those small things that wouldn’t phase anyone else...BUT they scare me. Every morning, I pray to see what the Lord is doing in all of this...I pray for answers and knowledge. Some mornings it’s easy for me to leave it at His feet. Other mornings, I call Kaz after my walk and just bombard him with questions wanting to know what he thinks, etc. My heart can be so anxious. I have cried every single day this week because of how scared I am for this next step I feel like the Lord is calling us too. I cry because like most women I imagine something happening[long before it happens.. if it even does happen:)] and cry because I can already picture the scenario. Silly, but the truth.
My heart is scared, anxious, sad, excited...AND I am so thankful that I have a God that I can call on at anytime. That even though I make a mess of my life, He is faithful. I’m thankful that I am one of His sheep and He leads my path. I’m thankful that when my words seem like mumbo jumbo, He understands my needs and can calm my heart and mind. What a huge blessing it is to know Christ. To have a relationship with Him, and to be able to lay things at His feet no matter how many times I take them back. I’m beginning to see that my blog title, Our Journey Together, is more than just about adoption...For we are on a crazy journey, that He is leading...That’s what I have to keep trusting.
Psalm 18: 1-6; 32
I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliever;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
32 It is God who arms with me strength and makes my way perfect.