Thursday, August 11, 2011

birthmoms and adoption...

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for awhile now, but just keep putting it off. It’s MY PERSONAL OPINION, so I’m sure some of you will disagree with me, which is ok! 
A lot of people always ask about Annie Rice’s birth mom and how we feel about her...are we scared she will find us one day, etc. 
We hear on a daily basis, “I can’t understand how someone could give their child up.” To be honest, I can’t either BUT BUT BUT I’m so thankful there are women out there that do. Birth moms think LONG AND HARD about their decision, which most of the time isn’t recognized. It’s not an easy decision, but from our experience we have seen just how much thought goes into it. They are doing the best thing possible for that child by giving it up if they don’t think they can raise it, instead of the alternative which is abortion. Kaz and I prayed every single day for our birth mom. We love her more than words can describe. She gave us a gift so precious that a million thank you’s would never be good enough. While it wasn’t an easy decision for her, I’m so thankful and proud of her for making that decision despite any negative pressure from friends or family. She did what was right for her, and in the end will be a blessing every single day for us and so many other people. We love her so much. Does the fear that she may find us one day scare us? Not one bit. I can honestly say that. I trust her and to be honest, if she wanted to find us today she could. With the internet and technology today, that’s unavoidable. I think that fear alone stops so many people from considering adoption. Kaz and I have said from day 1, that Annie Rice will always know she was adopted. She will know about her birth mom and birthfather. She will see pictures of them, and if the Lord allows she will meet her mom. I never want to hide this from her. It has been a huge part of our life...one with many struggles, hardships, joy, sorrow, and more happiness than I can ever explain. It is a testimony of our faith and I pray one day it’s the same for her. 
I know that her decision will probably be an everyday struggle...one that I can’t understand. The day that we got Annie Rice, I experienced another level of emotions seeing her birth mom’s hurt. There’s not a day that I lay Annie Rice down for bed that I don’t think of this sweet woman. I pray for her daily, and am forever thankful for her and the decision she made. Without her, I wouldn’t have my precious Annie Rice. 

10 comments:

Monica said...

Oh AMY! So well said! Birthmothers should be praised, not looked down upon for the tough decision they make to allow their child to be adopted! I hope more and more people come to understand this.

GrumpyJaxMomOf3 said...

I agree with you on this one!!! Birth Moms make a huge sacrifice when they put their children up for adoption. Most people miss that. I think it is true motherhood to put your child first even if it isn't what might be best for you. I am so glad you wrote this post!

Design Apprentice said...

Amy, I completely award and agree with your decision. My own little sister was adopted and I think letting children know from an early age that they were adopted is great. It always made for my sister to know a fact, it didn't differentiate her from us but it didn't shock her. She was told how My Mom and Dad weren't able to have her so God had another lady have her in her belly until she could come to us. She had a beautiful "You were chosen" adoption poem hanging on her wall. If anything it was a more special way of being brought into our family and one that we're so proud of.

Ashley said...

I agree that most birthmothers continue to struggle with their decision, even if they know it was the right thing to do. I continue to thank God daily for our daughter and pray for her birthmother.

Merrill said...

I think you said this very well. Adoption brings joy to one family while bringing sadness to another. When I look at my daughter and think about all that she has done and will do, all the milestones she has reached, how proud I am of her, and imagine her future, I always end up thinking about her birthmother and how she is missing those things. Does she think about her daughter and wonder what she looks like, what she is interested in, what she enjoys doing, how she is doing in school...? Each time a new milestone is reached, another birthday is celebrated, I always find my own happiness and joy slightly tempered as I think about the birthmother who made a choice that allowed me to me my daughter's momma.

Kara said...

Adoption in and of itself can have tons of misconceptions. I know before we adopted our 2 children that I would have probably fallen in that category too. I grieved at all the "loss" that had to happen for me to create a family - in the initial phases. Birthmoms loss - my child's loss of their bio family - my loss at not being able to give birth to my kids. But now - I know that this is not the way you should look at it. My life is forever changed by my kids. My birthmoms (for both kids) have confirmed to me on numerous communications that they feel so at peace with their decision and I know that my children are aware of their being cherished and adored in our home. They are a part of us in every way. I think it's important to always "encourage" people to use positive adoption language around our kids. "giving up" means that they weren't wanted or that they were just given away. Their BM's CHOSE adoption because they knew it was the very best for their babies - and those most painful for them. Adoption is a sacrifice of love. Birth moms are my heros and I love mine as extensions of our family unit. Annie Rice is also most blessed. God knows what he's doing when he says he will make beauty from ashes. We make a mess with our lives and Godturns things into something amazing and awe inspiring!

Moe said...

I couldn't agree with you more. :) Little Annie Rice is such a cutie pie!!

Chad and Corrisa said...

Thank you for writing this. I know I have considered writing a post like this many times! Our future birth mom is already my hero and someone who I love more than words can explain, even though I have never met her! More people need to hear this side of the story!

Jemsmom said...

What an absolutely beautiful post. Brilliantly written and so emotional.

Kelley E. said...

Amy- I loved this post and agree with you 100%. My husband and I were recently placed with our little girl one week ago. We have been blessed to be able to meet both her birth mother and birth father. We were able to be at the hospital and our daughter was discharged from the hospital to us. Although we were overjoyed at being parents, we were also heartbroken to see the sadness and grief that these amazing birth parents were going through. Their decision was not one that they came to easily. We're excited to be able to have an open adoption, where our Kate will be able to grow up knowing both of her birth parents, where she came from, and the difficult decision that they made to choose adoption. We can't thank them enough for giving us the gift of being parents.