a few more beach pictures...

We really had such a great time at the beach, especially once the men got there! We told Liz and Todd that we wanted to watch Charlie one night while they went out to dinner! We LOVED every minute of it and he was so good! We took him for a walk, and he was asleep by the time we got back! Here are just a few more pictures:)

 LOVE this one:)

 After our walk:)

a week at the beach...

We had such a blast last week at the beach with Todd and Liz! Our car was completely loaded down! We had absolutely NO MORE room for anything! It amazed me at how much STUFF we took! BUT we had a great time...

We literally laid out all day...I only checked my phone in the mornings and at night..It was SO peaceful! My mom's side of the family was just a couple miles away also on vacation so it was really neat to get to see them! 

One of my favorite things that we did was go to the pier at night, listen to music, and watch the fishermen catch sharks! I'm infatuated with sharks BUT I WILL NOT STEP FOOT in the ocean! I've seen TOO MANY SHARK documentaries:) We got to see a couple of baby sharks, TONS of jellyfish and sting rays! It was a blast!!!

My mom came down on Tuesday for the night. They just built this new air conditioned ferris wheel in Myrtle Beach that she hasn't stopped talking about. So we met the family and all rode it together. It was pretty neat...AND my mom WAS SO HAPPY!

Here are just a few pictures up until the guys came:)

My cousins... 

 I kept forgetting my ID on the pier...I don't know why the man thought I was under 21:) 

Family...and the ferris wheel!

an adoption update...

I have re-written this post several times...So much has happened over the last week...I started out wanting to share every detail, then decided they really didn't matter at all...To make a very long story short, the birthmom decided to keep the baby. I'm not going to pretend that it hasn't been hard...we have been sad, disappointed, confused at some of her actions...BUT in the midst of all of that the Lord has been our comfort and has given us hearts of thanksgiving. He not only answered 1 of our prayers but 5 of them. 

Every single day for the last month, I have prayed 5 specific things for this birthmom:

1. Either the Lord would keep the door open or close it..... He closed it.

2. She would 100% sure of her decision.....She is.

3. IF this was the baby, He would grant us favor in her eyes....Clearly, this isn't the baby, so He did not do this.

4. He would prepare our hearts to meet this baby, or prepare them to hear that she chose to parent....Without a doubt, He prepared our hearts for this news.

5. He would give us a peace about the situation before we went on vacation....He certainly did.

When Kaz and I heard the news that she was going to keep the baby, we both were upset. BUT the Lord REALLY DID prepare our hearts for this news. We had even talked the night before about it. I told Kaz that I just didn't think it was going to happen with this baby. I said I couldn't tell if it was the Lord changing my heart or me guarding myself. NOW I KNOW, it was the Lord. As much as we want a baby, we don't want one that wasn't meant for us. The Lord not only did a work in answering these prayers, but He also gave us a peace in forgiving this mom....Like I mentioned before, A LOT has happened over this last week. Some of the things made me so mad at her....very confusing things....BUT after we got word on her decision, I really saw the Lord change both of our hearts to keep praying for her and this baby. Not that she would change her mind, but for her as she raises this child. Kaz was definitely the leader in this...His prayers have humbled me more than I can describe..

A lot of people often ask how we feel...I've never talked about this on my blog BUT I'm starting to see that an experience I had in college prepared me for this relationship with this birthmom...

In college, I was head over heels in "love" so I thought...We will call him "Dan"[sorry, I just don't want to give real names:)]. Dan and I dated off an on for 3 years. In the beginning of our relationship, I just KNEW he was the one. Things were perfect...Very much like how Kaz and I felt in the beginning with this birthmom. 

We built a very strong relationship...We were moving towards the future. Then things went sour...We broke up, would get back together, break up, get back together....It was a very emotional rollercoaster. During our breaks, I would pray we would get back together...I really felt like He was the one. He would text, call, so would I, even though we knew it would make things harder. During times of us not talking, I always wondered how he was or what he was doing. It's no different than with this birthmom. We built a relationship...I cared about her...I wanted to know how she was...BUT knew if I did, it would only make things harder in the long run. When she came back in the picture recently, I felt all the same things...I really thought this was the baby and the Lord opened that door again. 

Years later, Kaz came into the picture even while I was still dating Dan off and on. I could CLEARLY SEE that Kaz was so much better, YET MY HEART was attached to Dan. I REALLY THOUGHT he was the one. I couldn't give that up...BUT IN THE END, THE LORD BROKE THOSE BONDS, HEALED ME, AND GAVE ME KAZ. He was SO MUCH BETTER than I ever thought I deserved or had hoped for myself. Had things never ended with Dan, I wouldn't have Kaz. I REALLY BELIEVE I'm in the same situation again....My heart is broken...I'm sad...There is a loss and a relationship tattered that has ended...YET, I'm having to trust the Lord has something so much better in store for us. Does it make things easy? Nope, not at all. BUT the Lord has proven himself faithful over and over and over in our lives. AND I KNOW HE WILL BE FAITHFUL IN THIS...

When Kaz and I started dating, it was all in the Lord's timing. It didn't come when I wanted it to....It's no different with this baby. There is a perfect time...I told Kaz last week that I felt like everything that happened in our story 6+ years ago really did prepare me for this. I believe that with all my heart. Close friends who walked that journey with me, are still with me today and I'm so thankful for that. 

At times, it's really hard to trust and walk by faith that the Lord has a plan...that we aren't starting back at square one...and that He has something in store for us so much more than we could have ever asked or imagined...When it's hard for me to believe that, all I have to do is look at Kaz. Our story is living proof of this very same truth. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your wonderful emails, prayers, encouraging letters, etc. They have each meant so much to me. More than anything, I hope our story brings encouragement to each of you that the Lord is GOOD even in hard times. He is FAITHFUL and He has SUCH A PERFECT PLAN IN STORE FOR ALL OF OUR LIVES.

Psalm 27:13

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.

a little relaxation...

I'm officially on vacation starting tomorrow! We are going to the beach for a week with Liz and Todd...Well, I say we BUT Kaz and Todd have to work so it will be just me and Liz for a couple of days:) I'm so excited for my only worry to be whether or not I should keep laying out or go inside:) HaHa

walking by faith...

I’ve really debated about whether or not to post this...but after thinking about the purpose of this blog, I decided I should...

About 2 weeks ago, I received a very unexpected text from the birthmom we were paired with up until Feb. It said, “I’m still 50/50 but if I give the baby up for adoption, I would really like for ya’ll to have him.” I couldn’t have been happier to see that text. Kaz and I honestly thought that door was completely closed....A few other text were exchanged and the last I heard from her was that she would be in touch soon! Immediately, after getting that text my mind was all over the place. I knew the due date was rapidly approaching and I didn’t want to do anything but know everything that had gone on with her since we last spoke, know exactly what she was thinking, talk to our worker so we could figure this thing out, etc. My thoughts were uncontrollable! I knew I didn’t need to get my hopes up, BUT that was easier said than done...After a whole week of worrying and trying to figure out how things would play out, I became completely worn out...which brings me to last Monday[the 23rd].

The morning started out as normal. I have added walking the bridge to my daily routine....As I started walking up the bridge, I remember feeling very overwhelmed. 

These were the thoughts going through my mind...When will she go into labor? Will she text me again? I wonder when we will actually get to see the baby? What if she decides to keep the baby for a month and then gives him up? What if? What if? What if? Normally on runs/walks I always listen to my iPod. I decided to cut it off and pray while I walked...I felt so weighed down with all the worries...Not only was I worrying, but I also didn’t believe that the Lord could do the impossible of changing the birth mom's mind[if that was indeed the baby]. One thing I kept praying over and over was that the Lord would give us encouragement and that He would take away my unbelief. 

When I got back in my car after the walk, I checked my phone. I had an email from our social worker. It was a pretty long email, but the gist of it was that the birth mom was more like 30/70 and chances are she is going to keep the baby. As much as I tried NOT to get my hopes up, they were up and after reading that email it all came crashing down. The door had been opened again and my heart was broken again. I cried all the way to Kaz’s work. That day was awful....I hadn’t been that upset since everything ended back in Feb. I was hurt, mad, frustrated, confused...I had so many questions. 

As the night went on, the Lord kept reminding me that THAT EMAIL was NOT the outcome. That baby HAD NOT been born yet AND WE DID NOT KNOW what the future held. 

Since then, it has been a everyday struggle BUT I can honestly say that whether or not this is the baby, I’M THANKFUL the Lord allowed the events of last Monday to happen. He has taken me out of the equation....There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I CAN DO BUT PRAY...worrying wont’ solve it...communication with the birth mom won’t solve it.

He has shown me what faith is all about...I don’t know His plan. BUT I do know that the door is still open...it may be barely open, but it’s open. Only He knows the outcome. My sight tells me it won’t happen. Her mind can’t be changed..My faith promises me that He has a perfect plan...It’s to give me hope and a future...He promises that He will give me the desires of my heart...AND He promises to hear my prayers and intercede to the father on my behalf.  The daily question has been which will I pick...Will I walk by sight or by my faith? I’m determined to fight this until the end. If this isn’t the baby He has for us, at least I prayed as much as I could for it. I can’t give up...AND I don’t feel like I’m supposed to. Maybe this is the baby, maybe it isn’t...time will shortly tell...BUT I’m not giving up....I have no way of knowing what is going on with this birthmom...I can’t talk to her...I can’t check her facebook....There is absolutely no way of knowing EXCEPT to trust. AND THAT I AM DOING....I’m choosing to WALK BY FAITH.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...plans to PROSPER YOU and NOT to harm you...plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE...

Matthew 6:6

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you

memorial day cookout...

After we got back from the Outer Banks, we went to my parents house for a few days! On Saturday, I got to meet my newest cousin Madeline. She's a month old! I also went swimming with my little cousin[Madeline's brother] Alan. We had a great time! 

 After swimming, we went to see Mr. Billy and Mr. AP. I always love seeing them:) Mr. Billy loves for me to make pumpkin bread. I haven't made any since Christmas...instead I've been making chocolate chip cookies when I visit. On Saturday, Mr. Billy said, "I'm ready for you to bring me some more of that pumpkin bread!" I guess I'll make that next time:)

 Sunday morning, Kaz and I went for a 1.5 hour walk in Hartsville. I love running/walking when I'm in Hartsville. Kaz really wanted to run BUT I begged him to walk with me. He kept saying he wouldn't get as good of a workout but eventually gave in:) Half way through, I said "How are you doing". He said, "Walking is harder than I thought". :) We had a great time! I always enjoy showing him new parts of the city! After our walk, the whole family came over to my parents for a cookout/swim! I of course, didn't want to do anything but hold the babies! My other new cousin is Sophie! I met her for the first time on Sunday!

The day didn't go down without some sort of trouble...Growing up around a pool someone was bound to get thrown in. I decided since I got in the pool on Saturday, that I wasn't going to get in on Sunday. My cousin William kept telling me that if I stepped foot in the gate, I was going to get thrown in SO I decided to stay far away from it:) My little cousins Ethan and Alan decided to start a water gun fight with my dad. He of course soaked me and then went out to the pool to wet other people. My dad was right next to the pool with his back to me...I of course couldn't resist the urge so I ran out to push him in. I REALLY WASN'T going to push him in, I just wanted him to think I was. After trying, I KNEW I HAD TO TURN AROUND AND RUN FAST because if he got me, I was going in. I took off running and couldn't stop! The picture below can help you understand a little better....I ran right threw the gate, into the table and pushed it just as far as it could go until hitting a rocking chair. I COULD NOT STOP! Thankfully, I didn't get hurt at all. BUT BOY did I hit the floor! I still laugh thinking about it! The funny part was, my dad didn't even chase me! He just turned around! HaHa! I think I'm usually "the trouble maker":) It was such a great weekend!

 Madeline and Sophie

 My uncle JE and Vester

 My dad, aunt Helen, uncle JE, and great aunt Edna Mae

 Ethan and Alan playing their games! I love this picture:)

 Me and dad

 Cousin William

 Ethan and new sister Sophie

 Me, Ethan and Alan

 Me and Mom

road trip....

What a great past few days we have had! We left on Wednesday for our road trip to the Outer Banks! We arrived in Kitty Hawk Thursday morning and had some time by the beach/pool before all the wedding festive’s started! The weather was so nice, the wedding was beautiful, and I ate SO MUCH yummy food:) We had a great time catching up with our friends Anne and Chris! I honestly didn’t take any pictures:( I guess I was “photo tired:)” BUT we did snag these at the rehearsal dinner!

It’s always fun hanging out with friends, even if you don’t talk about anything of importance! AND we did that a lot! I think it’s safe to say that we all have a plan of action  IF our car ever falls off a bridge into water, IF a gator, black or grizzly bear ever attacks, OR IF we ever encounter a crocodile in the waves of the ocean[YES, THEY DO EXIST!]. HaHa! We had a great time! 

whew....what a week!

What a week this has been so far! BUSY BUSY BUSY! We are taking off tomorrow for a road trip with our friends Anne and Chris! We have a wedding in the Outer Banks on Friday! I'll be back next week:)

photo credit

it's the small things...

It's the small things in life that make me happy! I am 100% sold on Apple...I have the MacBook Pro, iMac, and iPhone. Besides my camera, those 3 are the key to my business! They hold all of my information, calendar dates, etc...Lately, I have become very frustrated with my iPhone...It's just started running slower than normal and the updates won't solve the problem. I knew I wasn't elligable for an upgrade, BUT Kaz was so I talked him into getting the upgrade and giving it to me:) He has a blackberry with work so he doesn't use his phone enough to notice;) OR AT LEAST, that was my argument:) Being the sweet, loving husband he is, he agreed with no fight! Whatever makes me happy he said!

So last night, I got the iPhone 4...BUT MY FAVORITE PART...the face time! I can now see my friend Liz anytime I want! It made my night:) 

It's the little things in life right? Silly example, but 100 true!

photo credit