trusting in HIM...

Do you ever have one of those days you wish you could just start over and maybe it would turn out better than it did?

Yesterday was that day for me. I started Hello Mornings recently. It’s been a great way for other women to hold each other accountable for getting up early, getting in the word, and exercising before our children get up. I’ve done pretty good so far. In the past, I would wake up when Annie Rice woke up, go the gym and then do bible study during her nap. Lately, I’ve been getting up earlier and doing all of that before she wakes up. 

On Tuesday night, I had bible study. It usually last pretty late and the only show I’ve been watching lately comes on Tuesday nights at 10, so I decided to stay up late and watch it and then just get up around 630 yesterday morning. Annie Rice wakes up between 745-830 so I knew I would still have plenty of time and then we could go to the YMCA later that day together. Over the last several days, Annie Rice has been going through something...I think it’s a combination of a cold, 2 year molar, etc but she hasn’t been herself at all. I got up at 630 yesterday morning and Annie Rice woke up at 645! Almost 2 hours earlier than normal. She was not in a good mood and cried pretty much all morning. She didn’t want to listen to anything I said. She has her moments like any child, but that is not her at all.  We got to the doctor’s office and she was a different child. She was her normal self again, just as happy as she could be, talking and laughing at everyone. 

When the doctor came in, he did the normal stuff for a yearly checkup and proceeded to tell me that her head circumference was way out of line with her weight and height. Basically they are at the bottom end of the scale and her head circumference is over the 100th percentile. He said he was really concerned about it. At first, I didn’t understand but then as he started talking it all made sense. When Annie Rice was born, she had torticollis and as a result developed plagiocephaly and had to wear a helmet. That’s really all we know from her past. His concern was that because her head circumference has grown so much in the last few months, and in comparison with her height and weight, he was cornered something was going on inside her head causing pressure and swelling. He said that may NOT be the case, but he wanted to keep a close watch on it and check back up in 2 months. To say I was in shock was an understatement. We have been thrown for a lot of loops with Annie Rice’s development and most of the times we’ve had bad news, I have been shocked, but I definitely didn’t expect to hear anything like this yesterday at her 2 year appointment. I held the tears back until I got in the car and called Kaz. We had lunch plans with some friends at Chick-fila, so we met them after the appointment. Annie Rice started back crying and fighting everything I said, so lunch wasn’t very easy. We were going to let the kids go play in the play area for a bit, so we put them down and started cleaning up. Without me seeing, she picked up a chicken nugget off the floor that she had thrown down earlier and ate it. If only I could have taken a picture of the people’s face beside us...They looked at me like I was the worst mom in the world. It was a look of utter disgust. That didn’t help the situation at all. I finally got home, put Annie Rice down for a much needed nap, and was able to really sit and pray about the whole situation. 

Today is much better than yesterday. I feel so much better and really am trusting the Lord has a perfect plan for Annie Rice. From the very first day we got the phone call about her, we were told the worst case scenario...That has continued to happen through her therapy and development, and in every case the Lord has always worked and that worst case scenario wasn’t even a thought anymore. I’m trusting this is another test of our faith and that HE is in complete control over her and her head/brain. That’s all I can do. I’m not going to worry about this for 2 months until our next checkup. 

When I finally closed my eyes last night, I was so tired and drained. I think we all need days like that to really put our focus on life back into perspective, and sometimes these things are more for my growth than Annie Rice. What so interesting and such a God thing, is the canvas that I just painted for our kitchen. We have been doing some redecorating and I’ve been making a little “art center” to display all of Annie Rice’s drawings. I found this canvas on pinterest that I loved...It was proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” I had so many other verses that I thought about putting on the canvas, but I decided to do that one instead because I loved the way it looked. I painted the canvas on Monday and Kaz hung it up that night. As I was sitting at the table yesterday, thinking and praying, I looked up and saw that canvas. What a great reminder that the Lord gave me in that time...One that I can look at everyday and cling to. It wasn't just a coincidence that I painted that canvas and that verse this week...it was truly a God thing. I am clinging to this verse and putting my complete trust in Him over Annie Rice’s life...

Will you join me in praying for this sweet little girl?