Monday, January 16, 2012

development and stress...

This past Friday, we FINALLY had Annie Rice’s development assessment. We have really had a hard time getting this set up. Because of the adoption, Annie already being in the system before we got her, and us changing her name, it has been a long and complicated process. We didn’t really know what to think about Friday going into it...We had no idea what the meeting would look like. We didn’t find out until Wednesday that we had the meeting on Friday, and when we found out I was so excited because we’ve been waiting for so long! BUT that excitement changed to stress really quickly once we got to the meeting! It took about 3 hours and they did so many test! In the past, Annie’s development has not bothered me very much. There have been several occasions where hurtful comments were made and that’s really when it’s bothered me. Other than that, it honestly hasn’t because I have seen just how far she has come since we got her. We know very little about her previous living environment, but when we got her she literally couldn’t do anything but roll over. At 12 months old, she was at the level of a 4-5 month old. SHE HAS COME SO FAR! Her delays have been a blessing for Kaz and I because we have been able to see all of her first...BUT at the meeting on Friday, I felt plain awful for awhile because I felt like we were saying “No, she can’t do that yet” about 100 times! I FELT like we weren’t doing anything right! Did you catch that? I felt, meaning it wasn’t the actual truth, it was a FEELING. In reality, we can always do more and will always mess up, BUT we have done everything we can to LOVE and CARE and PROVIDE for this sweet little girl! We walked away from the meeting very encouraged that she could start therapy soon to start working on some of the delays, the main one being walking. It was very hard for me to believe truth during that meeting because I felt like Satan was just beating me up with lies and for awhile I was believing them! BUT I’m thankful for my husband who spoke so much truth to me after the meeting! When we finished, I really had to use the restroom and as I was leaving I saw JUST HOW MUCH STRESS I WAS UNDER DURING THAT MEETING! I NEVER NEVER NEVER SWEAT! Even when running, it’s very rare. It’s been that way my whole life. This is what I saw in the mirror! UNDER BOTH arms! 
I know gross right? BUT it was a pretty surreal moment for me, because it reminded me of this simple truth. When I worry and fear, sweat like a crazy woman in life, no matter what the situation...I will never be in control BUT MY GOD is. He IS and HAS BEEN GOOD, He WILL continue walking us on this unfamiliar journey with Annie Rice, and no matter what others think or say WE ARE doing this very best we can and DOING EXACTLY WHAT HE CALLED US TOO! WE are BLESSED with the sweetest little girl in the whole world who was made and handpicked for our family.

10 comments:

Bonky's Mom said...

Our sweet Chonkerella was very delayed due to her in-utero experiences. From one mama to another--you are on the right track and doing great! We noticed that as our daughter's attachment became more and more secure and stable and she continued to bond (she had attachment issues), her development cont to come together. Today she is developmentally on target in every area...ALL praise to the One Who gave her to us. Don't let Satan have access to your mind. : ) You are doing a great job and AR is an absolute doll! You are so right...God is faithful and good and He is more than able to fill in every place where your precious baby girl didn't get quite what she needed before she was adopted. (NO disrespect meant at all to her birth family).

BonkLand

Dawn said...

Aww-sorry that you felt so stressed! Annie Rice is such a sweet and loved little girl! Y'all are wonderful with her! As far as the sweat marks-that has happened to me before-it's so embarrassing!

Sarah said...

I'm always hesitant to comment on some posts (whether yours or someone else's) because I never want to sound like I have some great insight or know where you're coming from (when I clearly don't) so just know that I'm praying for you all and Annie Rice!

Lisa @ Life is Crazy Beautiful said...

"no matter what others think or say WE ARE doing this very best we can and DOING EXACTLY WHAT HE CALLED US TO! WE are BLESSED with the sweetest little girl in the whole world who was made and handpicked for our family." Hold on to that truth, girl! The hurtful comments are coming from a world focused on achievement by worldly standards...as if that determines our worth! She is precious and you couldn't love her any more. God will guide and get you there, wherever His "there" is :)

Beth said...

i truly believe Annie Rice is right where God's wants her to be. God is so good. don't listen to those silly folks. she is bringing you both such joy & love. is that not what it is all about? i think so. i'll lift it up to the Lord in my prayers tonight. big hugs. (:

Marcia said...

Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while now, and just want to say your writing has been a blessing. This post, even though it was about a hard even and you were very honest, was still encouraging and positive to me. So glad you recognized the lies and countered them with the truth. Your Annie is beautiful. God's hand is on her life and who can tell where He will take her? We can't even imagine! Blessings to you and your family!

BARBIE said...

Satan is a liar! You are a good mama and you and your husband are doing all that you are supposed to be. God has His hand on sweet Annie Rice. And He will continue to give you wisdom. I am so thankful God choose you for Annie Rice!

The Pilston's said...

As an evaluator, trust me, we hate having to ask all the questions knowing that we have to get a certain amount wrong before we can stop asking. It's absolutely incredible what determined parents can accomplish. God placed that sweet girl with you and she will blow her therapists and doctors AWAY! Keep us posted, I love reading a parent's perspective.

Jemsmom said...

You are doing everything you can and God will give you guys all you need to help that darling girl grow not on developmentally, but in HIS light and love! I think we all beat ourselves up over our parenting when we shouldn't! That sweet baby has grown so much and you are the reason for it! Hang in there!

Timothy and Holly said...

Amen girl! I'm proud of you! I have been in assessments where the parents were so pressured that they caved and started answering "yes he can do that." Even when if was an obvious no. That just shows that you love A.R. so much. And the only thing that will help her is the truth. She is so cute and SO BLESSED! Wish you lived closer so her and E.R. could hang out more.