issues of the heart...

A lot has been going on in our life lately...The Lord has been doing some really big things and we have been in a season of waiting and praying... 

When we started this process, we knew that a lot of prayer needed to go into this. We felt the Lord calling us to give up soda, as a way of fasting and praying. I’m not going to lie, it was very hard at first because I’m a coke zero junkie. Some people carry around bottles of water...in my bottle, there’s always coke zero. We made the commitment to drink no soda[with 1 date exception] UNTIL we heard on this matter. Last Monday, we were in week 3. I’d been doing good with the no soda, but you know after awhile, it’s easy to NOT DO SOMETHING and FORGET why you are doing it...So let me tell you a little about last week for me... 

Let me just say one thing before I start...When I have fasted in the past, I never talked about it. I think that it’s a private thing between oneself and the Lord...but this time has been different because I really believe the Lord has called me to “share” what I have been LEARNING through this time of fasting. I’m sharing not to bring any glory to myself, BUT I’m sharing because I truly believe this is a life lesson that HE has been teaching me. 

Last Sunday... 

Kaz and Annie Rice went to church, while I stayed home with Maggie[she had a really bad cold]. While they were at church, I did my bible study at home. I really felt convicted about giving up facebook, instagram, and pinterest for awhile. That’s a really BIG thing for me. I’M ALWAYS, always on my phone. Checking facebook throughout the day, posting instagram pictures, and looking at pinterest when I’m sitting at home, or riding in the car. Before going to bed, I lay awake scrolling down the phone...If I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I will usually look at it, and in the morning too. It’s been pretty sad, but it’s continuously grown as a habit, one could say. OR it could be that these things have become “functional Gods” in my life. In biblical terms a functional God is something other than God that we set out heart on (Luke 12:29; 11 Cor. 10:9), that motivates us (1 Cor. 4:5), that masters and rules us (Ps. 119:133; Eph 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isa. 42:17; Matt 6:24; Luke 12:4-5)... When Kaz got home, I told him what the Lord had revealed, and He committed to giving facebook and instagram up as well. I knew this would be hard... 

On Monday morning, I was having my bible study time and the Lord revealed ANOTHER thing He wanted me to give up...TV. My first thought was really, why must I give up TV too? Let me give you a little background information...Towards the beginning of last year, the Lord really convicted me of my TV shows and music that I listen too. He laid such heavy convictions on my heart about this last year, that I cut our cable package down A LOT to include the tv channels that I watched pretty much everything on[mostly reality..BRAVO especially]. So in my mind last Monday morning, I thought, why in the world would I need to give up TV. I’ve already given so much of it up. I don’t watch that many shows..I watch or record maybe 6-7 shows a week. In my mind, that’s good compared to the 20 I used too! BUT the Lord kept working and I kept fighting. I told Kaz that I would do this BUT AFTER I watched the season premiere of Dallas last Monday night. I would not miss it..how selfish? 

So all of last week, I gave up TV...Well, until Thursday. I last 2 days. I got so mad at the Lord on Thursday, BECAUSE I was tired of waiting. Is that not the silliest thing you have ever heard? Because I got mad, and wanted this to be in MY timing, I got mad and had an attitude. I let it slowly effect the next couple days and by yesterday, I was not only watching TV, but checking facebook, and drinking soda. I HAD FORGOTTEN JUST HOW MUCH THE LORD HAD DONE, AND WHY HE WAS CALLING ME TO GIVE UP THESE THINGS...Yes, it may not be “normal” to the world, BUT He doesn’t call me to be normal in the eyes of the world, He calls me to be obedient. Instead of being obedient, I went running back to those things that provide a false sense of comfort. This morning in my bible study, all of these convictions hit me at once. How selfish I am and just how sinful my heart really is...In the end, it’s not about how long I wait, what I give up, or how I succeed and fail at it...It’s about the work that HE is doing in and through me during this waiting time and whether or not I choose to use that time I had in the past spent on facebook/TV on just some “other thing” , or IF I use it to glorify Him. I don’t know WHY I haven’t learned this lesson yet, BUT it’s NOT ABOUT the THING I’m waiting on...It’s about the things that HE is doing through the waiting. He’s not asking me to give up all of these things as punishment, it’s just the opposite. I know and have to constantly remind myself, that He’s doing a work through these things that is far greater than I could ever ask or imagine..He’s working out incredible blessings for my life. The path may be squiggly..I may “forget again” and run to other things, but I’m thankful that my God is a God who forgives, correct, and reminds....AND LOVES NO MATTER WHAT. His love never fails...He never gives up on me. 

Psalm 130: 5-6 

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word, I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.