I was talking to Kaz last week about where my heart is with 1 person in particular. We get along well most of the time, but I feel like there is so much jealously and competition in this particular relationship. I bite my tongue a lot, but it gets old. So finally, I stood up for myself and after just felt horrible. There was no reason for me to lash out, because the comment thrown at me was ridiculous to begin with! So petty!
It really bothered me all last week. I don’t want tension or bitterness to be in any relationship I have. So, it really upset me. Why did I have all these negative feelings, better yet, how do I move forward in peacemaking? How do I let go of these thoughts and feelings, so that it doesn’t destroy me as a person or affect my relationship with Kaz? I talked with a good friend about it and her response was, I have no idea. I’m in a similar situation. That’s why you pay for counseling! I thought it was really funny and laughed every time I thought about it but it didn’t help me.
A day or two later I saw this quote on facebook. My answer, plain as day! "People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.... For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway."-Mother Theresa
That quote hit me deep in my core. If it was true, and I knew it was, what was my problem with God? The answer is still outstanding. I’ve thought about it over and over and over. I think it goes hand in hand with peace. I can’t have peace in different areas of my life while there is sin in that area. I can pray until I’m blue in the face for this person and situation but if my heart is wrong and sinful towards them, we can’t have a peaceful relationship. The Lord has really been working in my heart the last couple days in this area. I don’t have the answers, but I know He will continue showing them to me and it honestly may not be very pretty:(
Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
Peace, I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.